This is not me, I used to be so strong but now I feel weak

Not Me, Not I Delta Goodrem

So I’m in Bath. I worked so hard to get here and now all I want is to go home. It’s like Seth in the OC realising Brown isn’t where he wants to go. Except this isn’t a TV show and I haven’t got a happy ending in sight. To put it bluntly I am miserable. The last time I cried this often and was this sad and depressed was in Year 9 when various people fell out with me. I have been here 8 horrible days. I want to go home. I don’t care what I do afterwards, but I want to go home. I am not ready for being 250miles from my family. I’m still too young, too dependant. I may be able to cook/wash/clean etc for myself. Go from A to B by myself. Stay home alone for 2 weeks. But I am not ready for this. I am one of the youngest here, don’t think I’ve met anyone else who’s 18. Fresh from A Levels. My work may be of the correct standard but I am NOT. I miss everything. My home, my family, my boyfriend, (yes I know he’s gone to India so I miss him wherever I am now), my friends, my bed, my room….blah blah blah. This just feels so wrong. I haven’t had a day where I haven’t cried…. My flatmates are nice enough. They seem to have paired off really; Sam and Tasha because they smoke, Lauren and Matt because I don’t know why, Chris and Paddy don’t seem to care who they’re with. Leaving me on the outside. I haven’t the bounce and happiness I used to have, which makes making really close friends with them so hard. I just find myself feeling like I don’t fit with them. My parent’s seem to be running out of patience with me too. They know I’m unhappy, but I’m scared to tell them I just want to drop out and come home. Getting a job doesn’t thrill me, but I can’t cope with being this far away at the moment. I could reapply next year to somewhere closer maybe. How long can I leave this before I can drop out without looking like a looser? How long before I can prove to people I am genuinely not happy. All my bounce, all my happiness, everything that made me me has gone. It’s nowhere in sight. All I am is unhappy and withdrawn. Everyone must be so sick of hearing me moan and whine and cry by now. So I’ll leave it there.