Falling, Alicia Keys
I was fine today. I had a fun Chemistry lesson making bread and mucking around. We made one hell of a mess; in fact the mess came out better than the bread. I was amazed by how few of them knew what 50g flour looked like. One scale was faulty and it took ages before anyone realised. I’d used a different balance but many weren’t impressed they had to reweigh.
Then I came home and did a couple of odd jobs, including my Chemicals homework, which means I should have the weekend to focus on Art.
Whoopty flippin doo.
I hate weekends. I suddenly realised at the end of work that I was going to see no one all weekend. I’ve pretty much gone downhill from there. I just feel like if I don’t ask people if they want to do anything then we don’t and that people are just so wrapped up in their lives they haven’t got a few hours for me. It doesn’t seem like much to ask for a little time with my friends. I’ve spent 2 hours with them this week.
I’ve got a week left till Easter break, 2 weeks off. I’m not looking forward to it. It just means 14days where the majority will be spent on my own.
I’m sorry people, but I’m back pretty much where I was at the start of the week. Bitterly alone and miserable. I’m sorry I’ve let people down. I did try, it was a good day, I was happy and balanced until the end of work.
I’m even sorrier that I’m so wrapped up in my own self obsession and misery that I haven’t blogged about the birth of baby Emma. I just feel like a selfish cow for that. I’m sorry baby.
I’ll use your song Henry when I’m not so low. Sorry.
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3 comments:
please don't feel you've let anyone down, you've tried, and done very well. Better to be happy for a couple of days, then back to where you started for a couple of days than to not have tried and cheered up for a bit at all. There's bound to be setbacks, but you took that difficult first step, don't give up now! :-)
*hugs* as always,
Ali
Don't let it get to you Claire: You may feel like crap right now, but you'd feel far worse if you HADN'T made those positive steps earlier in the week. You're on a long road to recovery and it isn't all going to go smoothly, but you've proved you can have positive days because you've had them recently: Remember those successes and strive for some more of them.
As Maris said the other day, you'll have days when the only success you've got to celebrate is dragging yourself out of bed and getting dressed: What the hell - if you're so low that that took you effort, then celebrate the fact that you did it!
You're better than you think you are. People do care about you, it's just a shame that none of your blog-readers are near enough to come and visit you. But why not contact a few of your local chums and suggest doing something? Don't wait for them to contact you!
Unlike Henry, I don't think you meant to imply that your online friends are failing you, or that we are the everything you want to go away: But he's right about one thing - don't put yourself down! You are what you are - be happy that you remembered baby Emma at all, rather than beating yourself up because she wasn't the first thing you thought of.
Love yourself. You're great - and you will get even better. Promise.
I'm sorry to be so short and to the point but .... have you considered changing the name of your blog ?
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