How You Always Come Back up Again And It’s So Cool

Deep Down Low, Chely Wright

Hellooooo still alive J Been very busy thanks to the end of Module exams, which are all done now so once I’ve handed in my poster I’m off home. Get a FULL day with Richard tomorrow, a rarity we haven’t achieved since I started at Lancaster.

So many people seemed to have guessed correctly, yep Richard and I are now officially engaged, (just don’t tell my parents yet!). If you want to split hairs we’ve been engaged since before I started uni, he proposed before I came away. But given we’d been talking marriage since pretty much day one it wasn’t a real surprise. He finally bought me a ring the other week which I am loving wearing. He did an amazing job picking one out, it’s beautiful. We’re very very happy together, but it’s still weird during the week when I’m here. Don’t get me wrong, I love this place, but I really want to share it with Richard.

So my life the last week has been flitting home to see Richard and back here to work my butt off. The course is going really well, Biological Sciences is defiantly the course for me, and I’m making friends daily. Today’s new friend was the guy in Diggles who talked to me about the Muppets for ages. Seriously though, we pick more people up each morning as we walk to lectures, its great! And we all went out as a big girlie group the last week, which was a huge amount of fun. I’m very much a social person, so a big group of lovely girls to hang around with is perfect. What still touches me is how we all remember things, like all of them remembered Richard was meeting my parents this weekend, so they ALL asked how it went.

It went brilliantly for those who didn’t know. He made a seriously good impression, both were impressed with his intelligence and the fact he can make eye contact during conversation, a big trust factor for both my parents. I was seriously proud of him, it can’t have been easy but I think they’re resting easy knowing he’s not a creepy cradle snatcher.

Anyway I have to hover my room and finish packing my bag…all in 40mins! Hope life is good for all my lovely readers too! Loving you lots J Thanks for sticking with me during my depression, I’m pretty much off the pills and I’m happier than I’ve ever been.

If You Pay Your Dues In Darkness You'll Appreciate The Light

Deep Down Low, Chely Wright

Then when I'm no longer crazy and I'm back to my old self
I realize how good I've always felt
So don't be afraid to cry get down as far as you can go
Let the river rage on by and the wind blow
If you pay your dues in darknessYou'll appreciate the light
'Cause a deep down low makes level feel so high

I made a desision last night before I went to bed, the desision being that I need to get over this all. I said I wasn't sure if I would be blogging here again until I felt ok, because I was planning on doing what people, paticularly Henry, have been telling me to do. I know I am not alone, but Henry is right, I am the only one who can help myself. It's just been a matter of finding the mindset to do so. Last night I wanted to try and apologise for my behaviour towards everyone, which appears to have backfired. So I'll try again, I am sorry for taking time to be self absorbed and unhappy. I owe it to the people I have hurt and upset as well as myslef to try. And to actually be alright. Right now I feel pretty level. I am going to try and help myself because there is only so far that others can take me. Thank you for your help. Now it's my turn to help myself. And I am going to give it all that I've got. Starting today.

It’s like patting an old women then being whipped by her

Katie, on Corkscrew.

I went to Alton Towers today for the very first time. And I actually did proper rollercoaster’s; Air, Nemesis, Rita Queen of Speed, and lots of little rides like the log flume and Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory, (which we did three times! It’s so weird but funny. Unless you have chav right behind you being typical chavs). I’m pleased I have them all a damn good shot, Air and Nemesis got three/two shots respectively as it seemed stupid to waste the extra super quiet time. I don’t like Rita, she is, to quote a “heinous bitch”*

There was the peaceful less terrifying delight of the kiddies Squirrel ride and kicking Katie’s ass twice at some shooty zombie game, (she was not impressed). We got ourselves plenty wet on the log flume and water rapids. Katie made a failed attempt to dodge a splash of water the last time round on the Rapids and sploosh she got rather wet! The look of surprise on her face was absolutely hilarious.

There’s probably a lot more but my mind has lost the ability to focus. I managed to see every hour in last night, and when you think I got up at half five that’s even more knackering. I’m not going to blogg about my feelings either. I sense peoples impatience is running low and maybe this will go someway to proving I’m not just sitting and moping but I am trying to be ok. What I want hasn’t changed at all, and it’s still all there but at least today I’ve been able to forget largely. Katie’s been brilliant today, thanks so much girl! You do rock so hard!

Love and Huggles, Claire

*Ten Things I Hate About You

I Keep On Falling

Falling, Alicia Keys

I was fine today. I had a fun Chemistry lesson making bread and mucking around. We made one hell of a mess; in fact the mess came out better than the bread. I was amazed by how few of them knew what 50g flour looked like. One scale was faulty and it took ages before anyone realised. I’d used a different balance but many weren’t impressed they had to reweigh.

Then I came home and did a couple of odd jobs, including my Chemicals homework, which means I should have the weekend to focus on Art.

Whoopty flippin doo.

I hate weekends. I suddenly realised at the end of work that I was going to see no one all weekend. I’ve pretty much gone downhill from there. I just feel like if I don’t ask people if they want to do anything then we don’t and that people are just so wrapped up in their lives they haven’t got a few hours for me. It doesn’t seem like much to ask for a little time with my friends. I’ve spent 2 hours with them this week.
I’ve got a week left till Easter break, 2 weeks off. I’m not looking forward to it. It just means 14days where the majority will be spent on my own.

I’m sorry people, but I’m back pretty much where I was at the start of the week. Bitterly alone and miserable. I’m sorry I’ve let people down. I did try, it was a good day, I was happy and balanced until the end of work.
I’m even sorrier that I’m so wrapped up in my own self obsession and misery that I haven’t blogged about the birth of baby Emma. I just feel like a selfish cow for that. I’m sorry baby.
I’ll use your song Henry when I’m not so low. Sorry.

“I’m so glad I’m your new best friend”

*say in THE most annoying American accent ever! We had some girl saying that all the way to Preston today. Louder and louder. And the story behind it wasn’t even that funny. Grrrrr.

I am feeling better today. I'm still feeling the lonliness but I guess I can learn to live with it somehow. Its been a good day though. Mum and me went to see Lancaster University, which is fabbo. Katie met us off the train and we went for lunch and ended up missing the tour I’d booked us onto, (don’t worry it wasn’t a tour for just me and mum), so we got a private one off Katie. Which was even better. We got to explore the depths of the campus too such an extent we walked out of a building and Katie had no idea where we were. She soon got her bearings but that doesn’t bode well for me. I’m useless with directions. Hehe

Lancaster is totally gorgeous, a lot like Bath, in its looks, which is great because I liked there and I love the look of Lancaster. The university itself if excellent, modern and very stylish. There’s literally everything you could want on campus, I love self contained campuses, its my style of uni. And, even better, there are BUNNY RABBITS living in the hall area. Very tame friendly looking bunnies whom I will no doubt become best friends with if I’m there next year. To sum up, I very much liked it, and was very impressed. Lancaster will pay me more money to go there than any other uni, and if I want to do a placement year* then money matters really. Its now beating Chester by a lot.

I had a wonderful exciting day, thank you so much to Katie for the tour, it was brilliant. Maybe I’ll see you next year. (Screams of “Nooooo” can be heard all the way in Justin’s merkinland.)

Love and Huggles, Claire

*I can only get funding for three years of uni, a placement year makes four. That means on my third year of my degree I would have to fork out for everything. A placement is pretty vital, because it gives makes me highly employable. I will of course be paid for it, but year four could still be very costly. Damn this money.

BUNNIES!! THERE WERE BUNNIES!!!!