Too Much To Ask, Avril Lavigne
So I got some Chemicals coursework done today, I stayed behind for an hour after class to finish that very stressful coursework. Dr Spinx was lovely and practically held my hand, and I realised the calculations that we needed were mostly from module one, which explains why they got me all confuddled. It’s all done now though, hopefully that means I’ll get a decent grade on one of the three modules.
I also found out why Liz hasn’t been speaking to me for the last week. There seem to be 2 reasons really, the first being that I grassed up one of the cleaners last week when he came in a told the bosses a total lie. There seems to have been some corruption of what I actually said to Marj and Linda, and they seem to have actually told Liz what I’d said to them, (frankly that in itself strikes me as totally unprofessional on M&L’s part). Second seems to be my apparent “pathetic poor me” act. Now I’ve made a real effort to be ok around Jess and Liz, although last Thursday I was a little down and quiet but I was anxious about the doctors, and they did know I was going although not what for.
I haven’t told Liz or Jess that I’ve been diagnosed with depression or that I’m on pills for it. Liz vanished offline shortly after the poor me stuff was mentioned so I decided that maybe it would explain thing more to her if I shared some of that. I text her, (yes I know not the best method of conversation but the least confrontational), and told her that it wasn’t an act, that I am actually depressed but getting help for it and she could either support me or not.
She didn’t speak to me when I walked into work 45 minuets later, so I guess you can see which action she’s taking there.
I want to be her friend, even if it feels like the one time I need something from our friendship she won’t give it. I’ve been there for her, so it seems only fair. But it also feels increasingly like I’m not allowed to be unhappy, you know, I’ve always got to be ok so I can be there to help her or others when they need it. I never used to mind that, I like looking after people and caring about them, but right now whilst I can still do that I need some looking after myself. Am I really asking an awful lot here?
And you wonder why I shared something with you that no one else knows Nick. You seemed so surprised, but with friends like Liz floating around here do you blame me for keeping my feelings close to my chest now?
On a much light happificated note, lookey here little trundles! They’re almost as cute as bunnies. Except you can see their erm thingies.
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4 comments:
It's a sad fact that because you've always been there supporting your friends and being happy, that's what they expect from you. Having said that, that's no excuse for ditching you as soon as you go through a tough patch, and, well. You know how cross I got about this when you told me earlier, so I'll leave it there.
it's good that the chemistry stuff is starting to click, what is the coursework about? is it reaction rates? I hated chem coursework, it was a real drag spending weeks doing that stuff.
One last thing, those hoggies are cute, but how does the mum give birth? I do they already had their spines?!
gah what's wrong with me tonight?
that should be
'Do they already have their spines?!'
I'll never ditch you...well, at least not intentionally
There's always two sides to every story, my dear. Talking is better then texting. Stay strong. A
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