Alistair is the Bestest too!

I was already planning on making that my title but it’s defiantly it after Ali made me this;

Isn’t it cool? Mann I love happy hippos! Happy Hippies don't look so edible though...

Not much has been done today other than me falling in love with the most gorgeous necklace in our local clock and watch shop. It’s seriously nice and methinks I shall use some of my hard earned wage on it tomorrow.

I haven’t done any revision today, which I should have but meh, like it matters. I just haven’t been in the mood. I’m still bruising from being dumped again. My Dad got my cameras memory card developed today. I haven’t looked at the photos, I don’t really want to look at memories of when I was so ridiculously happy. I figured in the future I might but right now I can stick a knife in some other way.

Neways I’m looking forward to seeing Katie-Jane tomorrow for lunch, have been all week. Not only is it contact with a very friendly face but it’s someone who has rapidly become on of my closest confidents. I’m so very grateful for her presence in my life.

Katie-Jane is the Bestest!

Today has been rather busy. Mum, Katie and I all tootled off to Tesco this morning and had a brunch type thing followed by shopping during which more happy hippos were purchased. Yummy!

After finally managing to have all portions of fruit and veg necessary before dinner I was feeling quite proud of myself. That’s right I had FIVE Froots and Veegg. I’ve been trying to eat healthier in preparation for uni etcetera etcetera so I decided to help mum wash the kitchen walls down. They need doing given that’s the only room of the house my dad is allowed to smoke in. Mum wants to paint it, which is perfectly possible between the 2 of us once exams have finished.

Once I’d recovered from the exhausting wall washing I tackled some more revision notes, and I’m pleased to say I’ve done all the ones I need for Module 2 and made a small start into Module 3 this evening.

Oh yes, one last thing. To the person who left the following anonymous comment on my blogg last night, (honestly have the decency to put your name if you’re commenting or please keep your opinion to yourself, anyway that wasn’t what I was going to say), well here’s the comment in case it mysteriously vanishes;

There's a big difference between 'dumping' a friendship and ending one for the right reasons.

Hmmm, personally the only reason for ending a friendship in my view would be when they say, oh I don’t know, kill you’re mum or gossip maliciously behind your back or deliberately do something to hurt you repeatedly. Maybe I find this so hard to understand because I would never dump a friend. And yes to Miss/Mr Anonymous, I have been dumped, because I have done NOTHING to deserve this, especially when everyday is a fight which I lose everyday. Frankly it’s no better than things with Liz. I spent roughly 2 hours crying last night. No guilt trip intended, just thought I’d be honest.

Thank you for the lovely compliments, and *hugs to Katie-Jane, I love you too honey!

I'm late, I'm late! For a very important date! No time to say hello goodbye I'm late I'm late I'm late!

Soooo what’s happened since Saturday?
Well I met Jess for a brew on Sunday which was brilliant. I’ve missed her and enjoyed it so much. We had a lovely chat and giggle, as well as a mooch and joint exchange of the wonders of avon.

I went to see my grandparents yesterday, which was also nice. They like me to look all girly, and as I didn’t need to do anyway walking I decided to wear one of my new dresses from Primark. I put it all on and everything then realised, hang on….I look like Alice In Wonderland! See what you think guys.

I guess the only other thing to say is I got dumped by yet another friend tonight. And no, I’m not ok. Why do people keep dumping me?

Oh crap I hope not!

That was Mr Blands reaction to learning our lesson on Wednesday was our last with him before the exams. I informed him of that fact, and he explained in horror “Oh CRAP I hope not” before running off to get his planner and check.
It didn’t get any more reassuring when he came back five minuets later and walked from the door to the desk saying “Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit”
Thankfully I know he has more faith in us than that makes it seem. But it didn’t do our confidence much good! Hehe it was amusing though, I’ve never heard Mr Bland swear.

Update on the whole police thingy. The dude appeared in court on Wednesday and pleaded guilty to theft, (he’d have to be seriously lacking a brain not to!), and has to pay the court costs, compensation to me, (not holding my breath), and have a curfew. Which pretty much means it’s all over. I’ve filled the claim form out and sent it back and that’s about it.

Hopefully I’ll be seeing Jess tomorrow. She got back Thursday and was in work Friday but I didn’t really get to speak to her beyond a hello. I’m looking forward to seeing her.

Oo Eee Oo Ah Aha Ting Tang Walla Walla Bing Bang

Witchdoctor, The Cartoons

I suppose I should blogg.

Well the JaneMeet was brilliant, lots of sugar was consumed by me which produced an incredibly hyper mood. It was so lovely to see everyone again, and of course meet Jane, Simon, Helena and her offspring, (Jess is so cute, she kissed me goodbye!!!!, and omigod Emma’s hair is like a force of nature!). Jane was lovely enough to bring us presents from Merkinland, I now have some yummy Double Stuff Oreos to munch on, thank you so much! Ned and Jan surprised me as well by giving me a box of Disney Princess cereal. Ned and I had discussed this weeks ago, and I’d forgotten all about it, so oh wow it was such a surprise! Thank you as well guys!
I also did my first ever geocache with Katie-Jane, Nick and Ali. Although it would help if Nick wasn’t such an idiot and put the coordinates in right but it was funny running around in the wrong places especially as those places lead Nick into the middle of a thorny bush! Heheheheh
I had even more fun on the way down with Katie-Jane, we managed to get very very giggly over lord knows what but I do remember and incident with Chamomile tea or should I say CHAM-omile tea.

In other news my ipod and a few of my cards have been recovered and the thief has appeared in court. I’m very pleased my ipod’s back and in what appears to be fully working order. See, that’s why I try and believe the best in people. Thanks to the hard work of the police justice has pretty much been done.

*insert Farthing Wood theme tune here

So rather than tell you about my second Chemicals mock I thought I’d tell you about the random thought pattern that I had this morning involving a magpie. I saw one on the way home today, and came to the conclusion on observing it that they were very pretty little birds, and eventually remember to ask how it and its mate were.

That got me to thinking, magpies were, if my memory serves, never in Farthing Wood, (although admittedly I remember the cartoon much better than the books). There were rooks; they featured in the episode where the Pheasants are killed. Mrs Pheasant meets her end when she’s returning from covering look out. Her husband was supposed to be doing it but she didn’t want to wake the lazy bird. So she got shot by the farmer who’s barn the others were hiding in. This did mean the other animals had time to do a runner though.
Pheasant himself also got shot when he went back to the farm to find Adder, who got left behind. He’s so distraught when he sees his plucked and cooked wife he doesn’t see the farmer. Which was the end of the pheasants.

Then I started thinking about the poor hedgehogs who were killed a few episodes before that. Mr Hedgehog freezes up whilst crossing a road and Mrs Hedgehog is far too nice and loyal so stays with him. *cries. And they get run over.

I realised I’m probably a lot like Mrs Hedgehog and Mrs Pheasant. Loyal to the point of stupidity and a total doormat. Ah well, the world needs doormats I suppose.

I miss Farthing Wood, I have every single issue of the magazine somewhere. It was so good! Hehe

You're Killing Me, Killing Me, All I Wanted Was You

30 Seconds From Mars, The Kill
Tonights blogg was titled for you by Katie-Jane because I’m lazy. Ta honey!

I suppose I should blogg. The last few days I’ve been going by the “if you can’t blogg anything nice don’t blogg at all” which seems to work well for everyone else.

I’ve been out for dinner with Katie-Jane which was a nice distraction from everything else. We had a good mooch and chat about the randomness of life and the universe. It was fun, and I am very much grateful for a friendly face in the valley.

Jess goes away for a week tomorrow, and I’m going to miss her so much. I savour the brief time we get together during work. Oh dear, Liz’s icy stares scare me……

I got a U on the mock for the easy module of Chemicals. Tomorrow is the hard mock. I haven’t really revised, mainly because there’s an element of futility to it but also because I’ve been attempting to do some more art. Apparently that’s due in tomorrow. S***. I have hammered some topics last night with question booklets so I guess I know a bit. Not enough to pass.

The police came and took a proper official statement today, and also went to get one from Jess. I’m aware I haven’t explained all the details to everyone yet, I’ll try and get round to it tomorrow. The police seem to have a fairly good idea of who it is, mainly because he has a tattoo on the side of his head.

Advanced warning of Bad Mood.

My bag got stolen at work today. I've lost my purse and my ipod. The irony, I cancelled my card within about 20mins of it vanishing, and there was no cash in it. My ipod was worth the most.

Currently in shock.

And wondering why I'm such a gullible idiot.

*will explain later

Gary Barlow IS fat but he wouldn’t bounce.

And thank you Katie for that hilarious gem.

Just thought I’d cobble together a blogg so people know it’s still in existence. The reason for the move was simple, Liz read my blogg and decided it was a much of lies. Err yes, because she hasn’t started ignoring me we both know I didn’t make that up. She seemed to take issue as well with the comments left by everyone, although no one was nasty about her, and everyone was lovely and supportive. Anyway now she can’t read it because it’s been moved. She had the nerve to post a bulletin on myspace and facebook ordering everyone to read it, but as that web address no longer exists those links don’t work. *smiles evilly

It was perhaps wise, especially given she had a screaming go at me yesterday after work, demanding to know how dare I say she wasn’t entitled to see Luke and that who was I to dictate his whole weekend should be around me and how dare I guilt trip her by saying I was depressed. I don’t ever recall saying she wasn’t entitled to see Luke nor did I expect him to plan his weekend around me. What I did expect was some time with him, given he’s supposed to be one of my best friends. It’s the same as I expect to see my other friends when they come home, unless I know they have a hugely busy time planned.
Anyway I spent a horrible 5 minuets trying to escape her anger, there was no point in talking to her because all she wanted to do was scream at me and tell me how pathetic I am. I’ve been told by someone else that she doesn’t believe my GP’s diagnosis of depression.
Maybe she’s one of those people who don’t view mental illnesses like depression as real illnesses because you can’t see them. I don’t really know, all I can do is avoid her as best I can which is sad but necessary.

In other lighter news, I blew up a bottle in Chem today, intentionally. Mr Bland scaled up a Royal Society of Chemists experiment that involves filling a bottle with oxygen and methane and using a lit taper sending it blasting off into the air. He tried a litre bottle instead of a 500ml one and wow was it good. So funny as well.
Saw Katie this evening, we went for a little drive which helped cheer me up. After The Screaming yesterday seeing a friendly face made all the difference. As did seeing Jess briefly during work and getting to have her to myself for a few minutes for a girly giggle over something.
Tomorrow I see the doctor and Meat Loaf so there may be no blogg. OOOO Meat!!!

This Is When I Start To Bite My Nails, Clean My Room When All Else fails

He Wasn’t, Avril Lavigne

So Luke never got in touch. I didn’t text him because I didn’t fancy spending the whole day watching the phone. I did anyway, in the vain hope he’d get in touch. A sixth sense told me he wasn’t going to anyway. Yah I could have called him, but I didn’t fancy being rejected over the phone or being a pain in the ass and pestering.

I wanted to have a Big Adventure today, but my parents don’t really do Bank Holidays. I can understand why, but I just wanted to do something. I had high hopes for this weekend but it’s been such a flop.
In the end we went to Tesco, which wasn’t quite what I had in mind but I guess it was something. I found a lovely black pinafore dress with a bright pink t-shirt underneath. It was in the kids section but the 13-14 year olds fit me perfectly and doesn’t look half bad. Kinda made me feel a little better for a little while, but I shouldn’t be spending really.

Spent the afternoon working on my prep for art, and I’ve managed to cobble something that looks remotely like a project. It helped to take my mind of things. Just not very well.

Katie-Jane managed to capture a lot of what I feel or want to say in her most recent blogg entry. Her link is on my sidebar, with the blogg links. It’s comforting to know someone knows exactly how you’re feeling.

Sit On The Bed Alone, Staring At The Phone

He Wasn’t, Avril Lavigne

I seem to recall saying something last week about the possibility of being at a party this weekend. Luke’s come home, plus 2 uni friends, for his dads birthday party tonight. His mum made a loose invite to Liz and me last time we were round, and as they operate under a “more the merrier” thing my presence wouldn’t really be a problem.

The prospect of seeing Luke, whether I went to his party or not, has kept me going the last couple of weeks. I’ve been looking forward to it lots.

Unfortunately the only contact I’ve had has been him replying to my text yesterday saying he was busy all day. And he didn’t even reply today. I pretty much know I’m not going to see him. Sure I could ring him and stomp my feet and be demanding but I don’t see why I should have to. Surely he should want to see me, and be able to make a couple of hours for me. He’ll have made time for Liz, that’s a dead cert.

Oh well, maybe I’ll just stay in bed tomorrow.

Is That Too Much That I'm Askin' For?

Too Much To Ask, Avril Lavigne

So I got some Chemicals coursework done today, I stayed behind for an hour after class to finish that very stressful coursework. Dr Spinx was lovely and practically held my hand, and I realised the calculations that we needed were mostly from module one, which explains why they got me all confuddled. It’s all done now though, hopefully that means I’ll get a decent grade on one of the three modules.

I also found out why Liz hasn’t been speaking to me for the last week. There seem to be 2 reasons really, the first being that I grassed up one of the cleaners last week when he came in a told the bosses a total lie. There seems to have been some corruption of what I actually said to Marj and Linda, and they seem to have actually told Liz what I’d said to them, (frankly that in itself strikes me as totally unprofessional on M&L’s part). Second seems to be my apparent “pathetic poor me” act. Now I’ve made a real effort to be ok around Jess and Liz, although last Thursday I was a little down and quiet but I was anxious about the doctors, and they did know I was going although not what for.

I haven’t told Liz or Jess that I’ve been diagnosed with depression or that I’m on pills for it. Liz vanished offline shortly after the poor me stuff was mentioned so I decided that maybe it would explain thing more to her if I shared some of that. I text her, (yes I know not the best method of conversation but the least confrontational), and told her that it wasn’t an act, that I am actually depressed but getting help for it and she could either support me or not.

She didn’t speak to me when I walked into work 45 minuets later, so I guess you can see which action she’s taking there.

I want to be her friend, even if it feels like the one time I need something from our friendship she won’t give it. I’ve been there for her, so it seems only fair. But it also feels increasingly like I’m not allowed to be unhappy, you know, I’ve always got to be ok so I can be there to help her or others when they need it. I never used to mind that, I like looking after people and caring about them, but right now whilst I can still do that I need some looking after myself. Am I really asking an awful lot here?

And you wonder why I shared something with you that no one else knows Nick. You seemed so surprised, but with friends like Liz floating around here do you blame me for keeping my feelings close to my chest now?

On a much light happificated note, lookey here little trundles! They’re almost as cute as bunnies. Except you can see their erm thingies.

http://fishki.net/comment.php?id=20744

Oh It’s Cold And Lonely In The Deep Dark Night

Paradise By The Dashboard Light, Meat Loaf

I’m back! Did anyone miss me?

So I have returned from my trip to see Katie in Lancaster. There was one bunny sighting, only one, but that’d still a rabbit. Hopefully they will get very busy between now and next year and make me lots of baby bunny play mates.

I’m all sleepy now, but I had lots of fun in Lancaster with the luffly Katie and at the Cheese Club later. The cheese club is great; they played MEAT LOAF much to my delight, (and Katie’s horror). I actually got to dance and sing my heart out to Paradise By The Dashboard Light. So cool! I actually dragged Katie onto the dance floor, she wasn’t too impressed. (Sorry honey).
I also got to meet Crazy Nick, who isn’t so crazy but very nice. So glad he’ll be on campus next year so I will have a friend. He didn’t seem too freaked out by a rather hyper me, half an Easter egg soon goes to your head!

Someone Ripped My Heart Out And Left Me Here To Bleed

Anything But Ordinary, Avril Lavigne. Errr I changed those just a tad, but that fits better.

So today involved Chemicals, a brew and Tesco shop and watching the last episodes of Cheer Series Five, which ends when Diane Chambers bums off to write some book and as far as I know doesn’t come back. Which means when I get Series Six I get to my favourite episodes with Kirsty Alley Rebecca who was far less annoying than Shelly Longs Diane.

I was very excited at work when I was told I would be doing Corridor 2. This being a patch in the Broadway building of the school, and one of the few, possibly the only one I have not done. I really wanted to do it, so I stood there squeaking with delight. My bosses took a sudden and odd dislike to my happiness and decided I was to do 2 hours of detail instead. I was rather devastated.
Now detail, for the non cleaners, involves a bucket of water and a cloth and wiping/spraying/cleaning stuff like walls and ledges around the school. I wear gloves for this because sticking my hands in a bucket of water for 2 hours is horrible. However my eczema has been very bad recently, and that is located on my hands. After about 10 minuets in the gloves, (which quickly become damp inside), my hands were starting to sting. This progressed to pain followed by agony by the end of the 2 hours. I found as many reasons to take my gloves off and waft my hands about as possible. Unfortunately as soon as they were out the gloves they began to itch. Which posed the next dilemma, how do I not scratch? Rubbing my hands on my jeans roughly seemed to be the best way.
So now I can’t bend my fingers, so I can’t hold a pen. Buggar.

I’m off to Lancaster for the night tomorrow, so I shall see you on Thursday.