Iris, Goo Goo Dolls
Saw the doctor again. It wasn’t as easy as last week. I seriously didn’t want to be there. It was just futile.
I had a lovely dream last night. I don’t want to forget it so I’m going to blogg it, seen as I’m still not writing a diary. It was probably a memory from months ago. I was sat all cuddled up to Dominic on his bed, watching whilst he played Sonic on his laptop. I used to prefer to watch rather than play, it was funnier. I could laugh at him when he made a stupid mistake and killed Sonic or giggle when he’d sing little songs to the background music. I woke up feeling happy, safe and loved. Then ten seconds later my heart got ripped out.
Why am I not fucking worth it? How can someone’s conscience be more important than me? And how can you watch someone you’re supposed to love slowly dying and not want to save them when you have the power?
I just want to hide away in my bed and be forgotten by the world. I don’t wanna talk, I don’t wanna eat, I don’t wanna feel, I don’t wanna wake up tomorrow. I just want it to all go away and stop hurting. I just want to be left alone forever.
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4 comments:
You are pleanty worth it claire, pleanty pleanty. I love you the way you are.
and apparently with anti depressents it gets worse before it gets better, how shitty.
love you x
they take a week or three to start working, and for the first couple of weeks they make you feel lousy, like katie said, worse before it gets better. But it will get better, stick with it and remember you won't feel like that forever even though it feels like it right now.
*hug*
What Katie and Ali said. It DOES get worse before it gets better, and there will be moments when you cant believe that. I've been there. You WILL pull through.
Keep taking the tablets
*more hugs*
Sorry you're going through this. Hugs, lottsa hugs!
Jane
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