Cause Without Love It Don't Mean A Thing

Mannn if I wasn’t so small I’d be at Richard right now. His stupid flatmate Ruth broke her key in the front door yesterday, and didn’t think to try and get it sorted till it was later. So the only way into his house is over a very tall fence. This is all well and good if you’ve got a rather tall and handsome boyfriend to help you over it, but on a Sunday morning I haven’t got a tall and handsome boyfriend because he’s at work. So instead I’m going round tomorrow after he’s worked to be thrown over the fence and we needn’t fret about leaving the house till New Years Day when we come to mine for tea. *sulks about being small.

It has been a rather terrible day, the kind where you wonder why you got out of bed. I’ve been called fat by my Nanna, told by my sister that she can’t wait for me to be back at uni and had parents that seriously take each other for granted. I’ve felt so strained by the fractions in their marriage today it’s untrue. A little bit of communication wouldn’t go amiss. *makes note to LISTEN to what Richard says when married and assure he does the same.

So in short the highlight of today was buying a nice new pair of black jeans and a pair of brown smarter ones from New Look because I found a hole in one of my jeans yesterday.
Oooo and I figured out where to get the bicycle from in pokemon diamond…a large DUH moment.

Unlimited Rice Pudding

Well heeeelllooooooooooooooooooooo people! How are we all? Did everyone have good Christmases? I did. I can categorically say this has been the best and most special Christmas ever. I’ve been spoilt rotten by Richard, a Tiffany floating heart Elsa Perretti necklace and some Angel perfume. I was very very lucky. And spoilt :)

Spent most of today lounging in bed or on the sofa watching various Darlek related Doctor Who’s, specifically for fans the last one that Davros is in in the old series and the last one Eccleston did where he regenerates. We’d watched the Christmas special yesterday, which was good but not overwhelming. Very Poseidon, but rather lacking in series plotlines being set up. The next series clips were brilliant, apparently the Ant People, for want of a better name, are back :)

Without meaning to be sickeningly happy, especially when I know there are plenty of people out there struggling to keep their heads above water, but I am ridiculously happy and loved up. I have found the most wonderful person I ever thought possible and I so can’t wait to start a proper life together. The aim is to be living in Lancaster by September, and I can’t wait. How did I get so lucky suddenly?

Did anyone see Ballet Shoes? Wasn’t it wonderful? Superb acting and I love the plot. Emma Watson is certainly developing into a fine actress, who wasn’t greatly type cast, apparently she can act other roles.

So happy :)

Merry Christmas

Happy Christmas to all you wonderful people!

So far Best.Christmas.Ever :)

May All Your Christmases Be Merry And Bright

Just in case I don't get time to say it tomorrow I hope everyone has a wonderful day tomorrow and that you get everything you want, be it a present or something more. I know I've already got everything I could ask for for christmas even before the day arrives. I'm lucky. I hope you all are too.

I’ll Give It To Someone Special, Who’ll Give Me Something In Return

Last Christmas, Wham

So who’s ready for Christmas? I’m just about ready I thinks, all my presents are wrapped, aside one for Richard which I’m hoping will arrive tomorrow. If not it’ll be ok. :)I’m looking forward to Christmas a lot this year, it’s the first one I’ll be splitting with someone other than my family, and I’m just well…excited and happy.
I’ve managed to see Richard pretty much everyday, even if it’s only whilst working. As for work, JEESE it’s been busy. Why is it the moment you put on the uniform you become invisible to customers? Yeah that’s right mate, stand in front of a pallet full of frozen food that can’t stop so easy, it will hurt if it hits you! Ah well I’ve been lucky and only worked for three days, my friend Katie has done every day since she got back, poor thing.

OOOO and a note to my nasty “I don’t like the way you spell stuff but I’ll read your blog anyway just so I can leave a bitchy message”, the only word that’s spelt wrong so far according to Word is blog, mainly because it isn’t in the dictionary. Honestly haven’t you got anything better to do than be nasty about my spelling abilities? Trying to make me feel bad because of something I’m not so good at is just, well pathetic, almost as pathetic as not leaving your name. So next time I’ll be naming and shaming you because I know where you live…..so to speak. Thank you magic little stats counter :)

Moving on, I kinda miss uni, something I know a lot of students are feeling. Mainly the lack of independence, which was a little depressing at first, but now I’m well rested I’m feeling fine. Slowly getting through the endless tasks I seem to have which are more to do with tidying my room or scraping booking. But in general I like my life and am very happy. Think I need some new glasses but that’s about it. Now I’m going to go to bed and be happy there :) Merry Christmas folks.

Haven’t I done well Mr. Nasty Spelling Commenter, a whole blog and no spelling errors? And I’ve managed to not babble on about how loved up I am. We’ll save that for the conversations I have with myself and my teddy

Three O'Clock In The Morning, Looks Like It's Gonna Be Another Sleepless Night

Talking In Your Sleep, Crystal Gayle

Sorry I haven't blogged in aaaaaages but I've been ridiculously busy. And stressed. Which I still am. Now I'm home there seems to be an endless list of jobs I need to do and the lack of personal space is already driving me crazy. Only four weeks of it left. If I'm honest I love uni so much I didn't really want to go home. I miss being in my room with the door propped open so people can wander in at leisure. Naturally if I could transplant Richard to Lancaster it would be perfect :)

Thansk for all your wonderful comments on my last blogg, things with my parents are now back to normal. Mainly cause I told them Richard and I had decieded to withdraw our engagment. We haven't but it's frustrating I can't make my own choices. On the upside my parents like him again and seem to have accepted it's a mature relationship.

The last week or so at uni has been pretty good even if it involved exam stress. Saying goodbye was hard, we all wandered from house to house to say goodbye on Thursday. Karen came over and watched films with Craig, Hannah, Dan and me. With one day left we decieded to pull something of an all nighter but given my need to eigth hours sleep I cracked and went to bed at four (in the morning).

Thats about it for me folks I shall blogg again soon I hope. Hope everyones well and that no one feels the urge to leave me a spelling correction as a comment. Seriously primary school teacher is soooooooo last season.
Love and huggles Claire xxx

I need some help and advice people.
My parents found out Richard and I are engaged ths weekend. They didn't take it well. Tonight I was issued with 2 choices;
1) Call off the enagegment and re-do it all once I've graduated
2) Don't call it off, apparently be selfish, and risk alienating my family.

Apparently the option to leave things as they are and get married post degree isn't allowed. So apparently what I want isn't really being considered.

What exactly do I do? I don't think I'm even being given a choice but there you go. Help!

How You Always Come Back up Again And It’s So Cool

Deep Down Low, Chely Wright

Hellooooo still alive J Been very busy thanks to the end of Module exams, which are all done now so once I’ve handed in my poster I’m off home. Get a FULL day with Richard tomorrow, a rarity we haven’t achieved since I started at Lancaster.

So many people seemed to have guessed correctly, yep Richard and I are now officially engaged, (just don’t tell my parents yet!). If you want to split hairs we’ve been engaged since before I started uni, he proposed before I came away. But given we’d been talking marriage since pretty much day one it wasn’t a real surprise. He finally bought me a ring the other week which I am loving wearing. He did an amazing job picking one out, it’s beautiful. We’re very very happy together, but it’s still weird during the week when I’m here. Don’t get me wrong, I love this place, but I really want to share it with Richard.

So my life the last week has been flitting home to see Richard and back here to work my butt off. The course is going really well, Biological Sciences is defiantly the course for me, and I’m making friends daily. Today’s new friend was the guy in Diggles who talked to me about the Muppets for ages. Seriously though, we pick more people up each morning as we walk to lectures, its great! And we all went out as a big girlie group the last week, which was a huge amount of fun. I’m very much a social person, so a big group of lovely girls to hang around with is perfect. What still touches me is how we all remember things, like all of them remembered Richard was meeting my parents this weekend, so they ALL asked how it went.

It went brilliantly for those who didn’t know. He made a seriously good impression, both were impressed with his intelligence and the fact he can make eye contact during conversation, a big trust factor for both my parents. I was seriously proud of him, it can’t have been easy but I think they’re resting easy knowing he’s not a creepy cradle snatcher.

Anyway I have to hover my room and finish packing my bag…all in 40mins! Hope life is good for all my lovely readers too! Loving you lots J Thanks for sticking with me during my depression, I’m pretty much off the pills and I’m happier than I’ve ever been.

That Dimond Sparkled In The Band

Without Love, Mindy McCreedy
First person to guess what this means wins a prise. Fluffy and Hutters can't play though, you already know :)

Love To Love You Like You Do Me

Love To Love You, The Corrs

Heya! I'm still alive and still very settled into my life and routine here. It's hard work, I've been so busy with all the work and extra note making my course requires but now I'm on top of the work and can relax a little bit. I'm in a good position with my remaing bits of coursework too, theres one to hand in tomorrow and another I've got all but one little piece of information so thats nearly sorted. We're still all hating the Maths related lecture too but we're halfway through that. I'm very pleased with the 53/70 mark for the first piece of coursework for it too, as it's the hardest module by far every little helps.

Things are exciting too, my friend Hannah is involved with making a documentary for MTV and they've been filming some of our lectures and stuff. Yesterday she text me asking if I'd help her out with one of the things for it. So today the two of us sat in The Venue cafe having fizzy apple juice and chatting whilst 2 women filmed us. It was brillaint, I managed to ignore the cameras and just chatted away to Hannah as naturally as she chatted to me. It'll be aired in a few months or something and when Hannah gets a copy of it we're going to have a grand screening at her little flat. :)
Hannah is amazing. Seriously she's like Supergirl. She's here with her 2 year old daughter, Ebony and it's like, wow, how is she doing it? Her flat flooded and they've rehoused her in some soon-to-be-demolished blocks that aren't at all suitable for a young child, so she's now commuting from Blackpool where her finace is. She burst into tears in the practicle on Monday because of the stress, and I comforted her and I know she's feeling better know. I don't think she really gets that she is really amazing to come here, do a VERY hard degree AND have a 2 year old. Round of applause for Hannah please!

Things with Richard are still amazing. We still miss each other loads, but this week has been easier than last was, I really struggled last week but I plodded on. I'm majorly excited about this weekend too. I can't decied whether to go into work or to go to Manchester shopping and come back and cook Richard a proper tea. He is after all working his ass off to earn money to move here. Sometimes I dont think I'm doing enough for us but he's reassurred me I am so all is well. Neways it'd bedtime. Night all!

When?

12.00 till 1.00 Biology 111 lecture
1.00 till 2.00 Biology 121 lecture
2.00 till 6.00 Biology 121 practicle

Ok guys, when are we supposed to eat??????

Afraid Of Feeling Nothing, No Bees or Butterflies

Home, Sheryl Crow

Dudes I just had my first lecture :) Go me. I have yet another one at errrmmmmm, 11, so need to leave soon. It was a good lecture and I may be able to swing my Friday afternoon practicle so I finish at 4 o'clock. Which makes life sooooo much easier for going home at weekends.

Home? Yep, I'm going home at weekends. I went home last weekend and it was good. I didn't realise just how much I'd missed Richard until I saw him. I ended up working on Saturday, (a good excuse to come home), which meant we got the full day together and the evening too. He's still very unhappy at ASDA, so he's off to the job shop yet again today. I'm hopefull he'll find something with better pay, he'll love it here. The sooner he saves up the sooner we're together in Lancaster.

In terms of uni I think I'm ready this year. Lancaster feels totally like home, my flat mates are brilliant, as are the people I've met from other courses and through other things. Tonight or tomorrow night I'm supposed to be going to the ballroom dancing taster sessions...eeep! But I also have a ridiculous amount of tidying up to do. My room is still not organised just as it should be.

Oh this will make you laugh. I spent an hour looking for my keys last night. I let myself into my room and put them down, only not to be able to find them. Where were they? Hidden in a pocket in my jeans I didn't know I had.
*bangs head on wall

Don't Wanna Be All By Myself

All By Myself, Celine Dion

So I have 2 days before I go to Lancaster. I'm not looking forward to it. Yes I'm looking forward to my own space, and the independacne I had during my parents holiday, and I'm eagerish to do a degree, but the problem is simple. I don't want to leave Richard.
We've talked it round and round, and there's no way he's letting me drop out, as much as he wants me to be around, he isn't allowing himself to be that selfish. So after a lot of tears and talking a desison was reached. At some point in the future Richard will move to Lancaster. He can transfer to ASDA there untill he finds a job he's happier with. Fiancially from my research we'd have to live together to be able to afford rent. There an awful lot to think about, least of all finding a place in Lancaster and giving his current housemate fair warning. But it will happen. It gives me strength, he's prepared to give up so much to be with me. In return I have to try and make the uni thing work until we're together. Which isn't going to be easy, but at least I know being alone in Lancaster isn't a permanant feature of my life.

Hello Moto

Someone just rang my mobile. The number came up as anonomous but no one spoke when i answered it. So I put the phone down and ignored it when they rang back. How odd.

Also odd was I got a text off Liz this morning, the blanket kind when you're mass inviting people to something. Chrish and her are planning a meal together with everyone and the text was to find out who was free. She even polietly replied when I text back to say I'd rather it wasn't at a Chinese but I'd cope if nowhere else was possible. Maybe the frost is starting to thaw? I was glad she text me, and replied nicely.

Anyhooo I shall stop painting this unicorn and go cause we're going to see my grandparents before I go away next weekend. Then I'm going to Richards! Yay!

If I Had A Little Money

Money, Money, Money, ABBA

I'm still alive just super busy juggling a combination of work, social life, boyfriend and the millions of pre-uni jobs I have to do. I get some done and shorten the list only for it to massivly grow again. Garrrrrrr

Things with Richard are still amazing, we're getting along brilliantly. He's hasd alot of stress at work this last fortnight which we've tackled together. I pushed him to see a doctor following what appeared to be anxiety attacks and pains in his chest. It's become very clear alot of the staff are out to bully him or get him into trouble as much as possible before he moves departments. It has kinda cut out honeymoon period short, but it's nice to be in a kind of relationship where you can lean on each other and tackle things together. I know he's so grateful for my presence and is relieved he hasn't driven me away. I'm hoping things will settle once he's moved departments, because I'm not going to be so easy to get to once I'm in Lancaster.

As for Uni, I'm not sure what the feelings are there. I'm desperate for the space and freedom from my parents. However loving they are I miss the freedom I had whilst they were away. But there's also the aspect that rigth here right now I like my life. It's fine the way it is. I guess I can only try.
It is turning into an expensive thing. Aside from the usual £200+ that Lancaster has had out of me for lord knows what I've had to pay out my insurance tonight and I suspect there is more to come. I'll be glad when it's pay day next week.

Right what's next on the job list? Oh good, sleep :)

If It Makes You Happy, It Can’t Be That Bad

If It Makes You Happy, Sheryl Crow

Hey
I have a happy feel good blogg planned for sometime soon, don’t fret folks, this isn’t a slip back into the Misery Bloggs of a few months ago. But right now I’m feeling pretty low. In short my Dad seems depressed, he’s not happy at work, (and not happy means he’s even more unhappy than normal, which is a lot unhappy), pissed off with my Nanna more than usual, and possibly a little worried about me or just dealing with Mums usual childish reaction. So Dad’s depressed and all quiet and I know he doesn’t want to talk to me about it really.

Mum, well Mum is doing her usual Boyfriend Routine where she disapproves of the fact I have one so makes it BLOODY PLAIN. CAN YOU HEAR THAT? THAT’S WHAT IT FEELS LIKE. She’s frosty, short with me and just making it plain she doesn’t like me being with someone again. Oh and NOW she gets to throw the depression into it. “You’re jumping in way too fast and your STILL on medication from the last debacle”. Yeah mum, you have to take antidepressants for about 6 months after you start feeling better, and guess what I FEEL BETTER.

Things with Richard, are well, amazing. I’m not about to repeat what’s been said between us this weekend but trust me, this relationship was not a mistake.

I’m trying to be patient and understanding with my parents. Dad I can kinda understand, especially now I’ve had depression. But Mum, it’s just driving another wedge between us. When she did her disapproving act about Dom I stopped wanting to talk to her, and we drifted apart a little. Rather than airing her opinion and then moving on I have 3 more weeks of this to cope with. And it’s so depressing. I’m trying to understand but once again I feel like nothing I do is ever good enough. And I feel very very depressed. I’m going to Richards for three hours before work, it’s worth the agro off Mum once she finds out, I can’t stand to be in this house all day with her.

The depression will clear once I’ve spoken to Richard, but then I have to come home and feel like crap for being so happy. It isn’t right that is it? Yes they’re worried, but making me feel like crap? Because I’m happy? Not right. Ever.

You Gotta Talk To The One That Made You, Talk To The One Who Understands

Light In Your Eyes, Sheryl Crow

Well it’s been an interesting last few days. There’s been lots of Richard time, often a few hours here or there because one of us is pretty much always working. Aside from Monday, Monday we were both off so spent the day together. *grins broadly. That was a lot of fun. I love the fact that 10 seconds in his company leaves me on cloud nine, and given the grin on his face he feels the same.

Monday was also the day I finally broached the issue of Richard and I with my Dad after a talk with Mum that morning that contained the sentence “if you don’t watch it you’ll be out on your rear”. Quite frightening for me. Anyway after spending my day with Richard I decided to talk to Dad. He is so ok with it all it isn’t true. He has no problems with the age difference at all and we had a nice chat. Mum is going to take some time to get used to the situation, and it’ll help if I can prove I’ll be ok at uni. Again it helps Richard is determined to come and see me, it’s not an if he comes apparently it’s a when. He’s picking up overtime for the “Coming to see you” fund already.

Yesterday I saw Zena for what could be the last time for a loooooong time as she’s doing an exchange in Detroit this year. She may be leaving on Monday if her passport arrives by tomorrow. Chrish, Zena and I went to Manchester to do some shopping, a last girlie shopping trip, but I seriously want to see her one more time before she goes. It’s heartbreaking to know she’s leaving. I know once we’ve got addresses sorted we’ll write, but it still pains me to see her go. She will of course love it, which makes it all worthwhile. I’ll make her a scarf for Christmas methinks.

Sunday I FINNALY saw Luke. We had a long overdue chat about everything, there’s a fair bit of misunderstandings on both sides but it’s all been resolved nicely. We’re back on track, and went to see Rush Hour3. I am glad things are good between us, and we had a huge laugh as we always do.

Attempts to cut down on hours at work have failed miserably. I’ve somehow gained another 18 hours this week, plus my 15 on frozen. And I’ve got another 30 next week. Remind me NOT to ask for overtime next week, I seriously need to chill a bit before uni. Not to mention tidy my room STILL

What’s Your Silver Lining?

One Heart, Celine Dion

Hello folks, long time no blogg :) My bad.

So where have I been. Well working my little tush off as a frozen monkey and counters lady for the last couple of weeks as always. My parents have been away so I’ve been living quite literally at Richards house. It’s been amazing. We’ve fitted into the routine in perfect harmony, no issues or anything. The highlight of the last 2 weeks was the other night when I kissed him goodbye before leaving to go and prepare tea at his whilst he worked. It ran something like this;

Me; See you later honey
Richard; Love you
*dramatic pause in which we both tried to work out if he really had just said that!
Me; Did you just say what I think you said……?
Richard; Yes….No…..I’m doing a Chandler *is flustered
Me; I love you too

I wasn’t expecting to be saying I love you so soon, neither was he, we’d already established it was probably gonna be a while before either of us felt that. But it happened; it came from the heart, without meaning to. And I’m so glad he said it. And I know he doesn’t regret it either.

So aside from being on cloud nine I have blitzed my bedroom, a process that is still happening. Lots of stuff is either gone, going or on ebay. I’m still knitting my bag for uni, which is about half done knitting wise. My plan is to cut down my hours the next month because I have so much still to do before going. Oh, and I’m into Cartmel Collage, land of the bunnies. House 5, Flat something-or-other, Thirlmere. It’s great. All my forms and stuff have been filled in ready to go back to them.

In short I am happy again. Back to who I was and who I’m supposed to be. The pain is still there when I think about Dom. But I don’t anymore, because I don’t need to. Richard is here to support me, and I know he will treat me the way I deserve to. He knows the Best Damn Thing when he sees it. Fate moves in mysterious ways.

You Held My Hand And Walked Me Home I Know, You Gave Me A Kiss It Went Something Like This It Made Me Go Oh Oh

Don’t Tell Me, Avril Lavigne

Well after a rather busy week I’ve managed to get a day off. It was spent sorting out the odd form and posting the odd ebay parcel. I managed to sneak a trip to ASDA in, during which my mum briefly met Richard, and hasn’t expressed any extreme dislike, and didn’t seem to mind lots when I stayed behind to wait until he could have a break. We then spent a lovely 15 minuets being gawped at in the staff canteen, we’re not obvious that we’re now together, but the body language says it all. The number of staff that openly sit and stare at us is unbelievable, like we’re a freak show! The managers are worse, Richards had an huge amount of “funny” comments when he’s been on a break alone. It’s like, err hello Mr Managers do you think YOU could get a 19 year old girlfriend? I don’t THINK so.
I was even more upset and angry when he text me saying our manager, Danny, had laid into him before going home for me coming down this afternoon. I stood there chatting to him whilst he worked away, it was very professional, we always are when on the shop floor, (well unless it’s 9 o’clock on the biscuit isle……), but it makes me so angry. We were doing nothing wrong. The sooner he goes the better.

Been shopping briefly this week, but mainly it’s been all about work. Pretty much solidly, long shifts too. Although I had the delight of Richard walking to and from work to see me three times on Tuesday, made the lonesome frozen shift well worth it :) He got soaked three times. But he did come back and walk me to the bus, I don’t like catching it at 10.20 at night.

Yeah, you may have gathered I’m seeing Richard now. To hell with the age difference, he treats me better than anyone ever has. We’re talking completely smitten, absolutely adoring me. And I’m becoming increasingly smitten back.

OOOO and thanks to the wonder of Facebook I’ve made TWO new friends at Lancaster, brilliant eh? As for results day yesterday, I haven’t gotten my results yet, didn’t want to go and get them, they’re not in the paper so I’m just hoping they will be posted to me.

It Was Long Ago And It Was Far Away, Oh God It Seems So Very Far

Objects In The Review Mirror May Appear Closer Than They Are, Meat Loaf

Well my very early start turned out to be quite good really, working from 7 until 2 does give me a little more day to work with afterwards. Today I was on the Deli, which started out quite badly. The people there didn’t exactly give me clear instructions to begin with. For example if you tell me to put fresh bowls out I will, but I won’t transfer the contents of them from old bowl to new bowl unless you say so. Things picked up later, I got the hang of things like wrapping the pies and stuff, and using the scales. It’s good to learn something new.
I had dinner again with Richard and then we ran my errands, (which was mainly posting stuff), before wandering up to the park to look at the bunnies that live there. Except there aren’t any rabbits there anymore, they’ve been moved for some reason. He said they’d gone on holiday but I’m still miffed. We did have fun feeding some pigeons flapjack and squashed MilkyWay. It was hilarious, the speed they moved when you threw stuff was impressive. We spent along time watching them closely and deciding there was a security guard one who seemed intent on checking out my bag, one with UGG boots on (feathery feet), and a rather bossy one. Plus the slow one that always gets left behind and some pretty brown ones. As well as the odd inter-breed bird.

I’m feeling particularly lonely again. The only people I see are those I work with, and as much as Richard is lovely, he doesn’t quite fill the void. Yeah I know, I’ll make friends at uni, but that doesn’t help me in the mean time does it? I managed to plan something with Luke for Sunday only for him to blow me off, so that sucked ass. And whenever I try and suggest something to someone all I get is “I’m tired”. Well so am I. *grumbles.

I do apologise, I haven’t been sleeping too well. Herbal sleep pills it is for me tonight. It makes me terribly whiny when I don’t get enough sleep.