All By Myself, Celine Dion
So I have 2 days before I go to Lancaster. I'm not looking forward to it. Yes I'm looking forward to my own space, and the independacne I had during my parents holiday, and I'm eagerish to do a degree, but the problem is simple. I don't want to leave Richard.
We've talked it round and round, and there's no way he's letting me drop out, as much as he wants me to be around, he isn't allowing himself to be that selfish. So after a lot of tears and talking a desison was reached. At some point in the future Richard will move to Lancaster. He can transfer to ASDA there untill he finds a job he's happier with. Fiancially from my research we'd have to live together to be able to afford rent. There an awful lot to think about, least of all finding a place in Lancaster and giving his current housemate fair warning. But it will happen. It gives me strength, he's prepared to give up so much to be with me. In return I have to try and make the uni thing work until we're together. Which isn't going to be easy, but at least I know being alone in Lancaster isn't a permanant feature of my life.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Hello Moto
Someone just rang my mobile. The number came up as anonomous but no one spoke when i answered it. So I put the phone down and ignored it when they rang back. How odd.
Also odd was I got a text off Liz this morning, the blanket kind when you're mass inviting people to something. Chrish and her are planning a meal together with everyone and the text was to find out who was free. She even polietly replied when I text back to say I'd rather it wasn't at a Chinese but I'd cope if nowhere else was possible. Maybe the frost is starting to thaw? I was glad she text me, and replied nicely.
Anyhooo I shall stop painting this unicorn and go cause we're going to see my grandparents before I go away next weekend. Then I'm going to Richards! Yay!
Also odd was I got a text off Liz this morning, the blanket kind when you're mass inviting people to something. Chrish and her are planning a meal together with everyone and the text was to find out who was free. She even polietly replied when I text back to say I'd rather it wasn't at a Chinese but I'd cope if nowhere else was possible. Maybe the frost is starting to thaw? I was glad she text me, and replied nicely.
Anyhooo I shall stop painting this unicorn and go cause we're going to see my grandparents before I go away next weekend. Then I'm going to Richards! Yay!
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
If I Had A Little Money
Money, Money, Money, ABBA
I'm still alive just super busy juggling a combination of work, social life, boyfriend and the millions of pre-uni jobs I have to do. I get some done and shorten the list only for it to massivly grow again. Garrrrrrr
Things with Richard are still amazing, we're getting along brilliantly. He's hasd alot of stress at work this last fortnight which we've tackled together. I pushed him to see a doctor following what appeared to be anxiety attacks and pains in his chest. It's become very clear alot of the staff are out to bully him or get him into trouble as much as possible before he moves departments. It has kinda cut out honeymoon period short, but it's nice to be in a kind of relationship where you can lean on each other and tackle things together. I know he's so grateful for my presence and is relieved he hasn't driven me away. I'm hoping things will settle once he's moved departments, because I'm not going to be so easy to get to once I'm in Lancaster.
As for Uni, I'm not sure what the feelings are there. I'm desperate for the space and freedom from my parents. However loving they are I miss the freedom I had whilst they were away. But there's also the aspect that rigth here right now I like my life. It's fine the way it is. I guess I can only try.
It is turning into an expensive thing. Aside from the usual £200+ that Lancaster has had out of me for lord knows what I've had to pay out my insurance tonight and I suspect there is more to come. I'll be glad when it's pay day next week.
Right what's next on the job list? Oh good, sleep :)
I'm still alive just super busy juggling a combination of work, social life, boyfriend and the millions of pre-uni jobs I have to do. I get some done and shorten the list only for it to massivly grow again. Garrrrrrr
Things with Richard are still amazing, we're getting along brilliantly. He's hasd alot of stress at work this last fortnight which we've tackled together. I pushed him to see a doctor following what appeared to be anxiety attacks and pains in his chest. It's become very clear alot of the staff are out to bully him or get him into trouble as much as possible before he moves departments. It has kinda cut out honeymoon period short, but it's nice to be in a kind of relationship where you can lean on each other and tackle things together. I know he's so grateful for my presence and is relieved he hasn't driven me away. I'm hoping things will settle once he's moved departments, because I'm not going to be so easy to get to once I'm in Lancaster.
As for Uni, I'm not sure what the feelings are there. I'm desperate for the space and freedom from my parents. However loving they are I miss the freedom I had whilst they were away. But there's also the aspect that rigth here right now I like my life. It's fine the way it is. I guess I can only try.
It is turning into an expensive thing. Aside from the usual £200+ that Lancaster has had out of me for lord knows what I've had to pay out my insurance tonight and I suspect there is more to come. I'll be glad when it's pay day next week.
Right what's next on the job list? Oh good, sleep :)
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
If It Makes You Happy, It Can’t Be That Bad
If It Makes You Happy, Sheryl Crow
Hey
I have a happy feel good blogg planned for sometime soon, don’t fret folks, this isn’t a slip back into the Misery Bloggs of a few months ago. But right now I’m feeling pretty low. In short my Dad seems depressed, he’s not happy at work, (and not happy means he’s even more unhappy than normal, which is a lot unhappy), pissed off with my Nanna more than usual, and possibly a little worried about me or just dealing with Mums usual childish reaction. So Dad’s depressed and all quiet and I know he doesn’t want to talk to me about it really.
Mum, well Mum is doing her usual Boyfriend Routine where she disapproves of the fact I have one so makes it BLOODY PLAIN. CAN YOU HEAR THAT? THAT’S WHAT IT FEELS LIKE. She’s frosty, short with me and just making it plain she doesn’t like me being with someone again. Oh and NOW she gets to throw the depression into it. “You’re jumping in way too fast and your STILL on medication from the last debacle”. Yeah mum, you have to take antidepressants for about 6 months after you start feeling better, and guess what I FEEL BETTER.
Things with Richard, are well, amazing. I’m not about to repeat what’s been said between us this weekend but trust me, this relationship was not a mistake.
I’m trying to be patient and understanding with my parents. Dad I can kinda understand, especially now I’ve had depression. But Mum, it’s just driving another wedge between us. When she did her disapproving act about Dom I stopped wanting to talk to her, and we drifted apart a little. Rather than airing her opinion and then moving on I have 3 more weeks of this to cope with. And it’s so depressing. I’m trying to understand but once again I feel like nothing I do is ever good enough. And I feel very very depressed. I’m going to Richards for three hours before work, it’s worth the agro off Mum once she finds out, I can’t stand to be in this house all day with her.
The depression will clear once I’ve spoken to Richard, but then I have to come home and feel like crap for being so happy. It isn’t right that is it? Yes they’re worried, but making me feel like crap? Because I’m happy? Not right. Ever.
Hey
I have a happy feel good blogg planned for sometime soon, don’t fret folks, this isn’t a slip back into the Misery Bloggs of a few months ago. But right now I’m feeling pretty low. In short my Dad seems depressed, he’s not happy at work, (and not happy means he’s even more unhappy than normal, which is a lot unhappy), pissed off with my Nanna more than usual, and possibly a little worried about me or just dealing with Mums usual childish reaction. So Dad’s depressed and all quiet and I know he doesn’t want to talk to me about it really.
Mum, well Mum is doing her usual Boyfriend Routine where she disapproves of the fact I have one so makes it BLOODY PLAIN. CAN YOU HEAR THAT? THAT’S WHAT IT FEELS LIKE. She’s frosty, short with me and just making it plain she doesn’t like me being with someone again. Oh and NOW she gets to throw the depression into it. “You’re jumping in way too fast and your STILL on medication from the last debacle”. Yeah mum, you have to take antidepressants for about 6 months after you start feeling better, and guess what I FEEL BETTER.
Things with Richard, are well, amazing. I’m not about to repeat what’s been said between us this weekend but trust me, this relationship was not a mistake.
I’m trying to be patient and understanding with my parents. Dad I can kinda understand, especially now I’ve had depression. But Mum, it’s just driving another wedge between us. When she did her disapproving act about Dom I stopped wanting to talk to her, and we drifted apart a little. Rather than airing her opinion and then moving on I have 3 more weeks of this to cope with. And it’s so depressing. I’m trying to understand but once again I feel like nothing I do is ever good enough. And I feel very very depressed. I’m going to Richards for three hours before work, it’s worth the agro off Mum once she finds out, I can’t stand to be in this house all day with her.
The depression will clear once I’ve spoken to Richard, but then I have to come home and feel like crap for being so happy. It isn’t right that is it? Yes they’re worried, but making me feel like crap? Because I’m happy? Not right. Ever.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
You Gotta Talk To The One That Made You, Talk To The One Who Understands
Light In Your Eyes, Sheryl Crow
Well it’s been an interesting last few days. There’s been lots of Richard time, often a few hours here or there because one of us is pretty much always working. Aside from Monday, Monday we were both off so spent the day together. *grins broadly. That was a lot of fun. I love the fact that 10 seconds in his company leaves me on cloud nine, and given the grin on his face he feels the same.
Monday was also the day I finally broached the issue of Richard and I with my Dad after a talk with Mum that morning that contained the sentence “if you don’t watch it you’ll be out on your rear”. Quite frightening for me. Anyway after spending my day with Richard I decided to talk to Dad. He is so ok with it all it isn’t true. He has no problems with the age difference at all and we had a nice chat. Mum is going to take some time to get used to the situation, and it’ll help if I can prove I’ll be ok at uni. Again it helps Richard is determined to come and see me, it’s not an if he comes apparently it’s a when. He’s picking up overtime for the “Coming to see you” fund already.
Yesterday I saw Zena for what could be the last time for a loooooong time as she’s doing an exchange in Detroit this year. She may be leaving on Monday if her passport arrives by tomorrow. Chrish, Zena and I went to Manchester to do some shopping, a last girlie shopping trip, but I seriously want to see her one more time before she goes. It’s heartbreaking to know she’s leaving. I know once we’ve got addresses sorted we’ll write, but it still pains me to see her go. She will of course love it, which makes it all worthwhile. I’ll make her a scarf for Christmas methinks.
Sunday I FINNALY saw Luke. We had a long overdue chat about everything, there’s a fair bit of misunderstandings on both sides but it’s all been resolved nicely. We’re back on track, and went to see Rush Hour3. I am glad things are good between us, and we had a huge laugh as we always do.
Attempts to cut down on hours at work have failed miserably. I’ve somehow gained another 18 hours this week, plus my 15 on frozen. And I’ve got another 30 next week. Remind me NOT to ask for overtime next week, I seriously need to chill a bit before uni. Not to mention tidy my room STILL
Well it’s been an interesting last few days. There’s been lots of Richard time, often a few hours here or there because one of us is pretty much always working. Aside from Monday, Monday we were both off so spent the day together. *grins broadly. That was a lot of fun. I love the fact that 10 seconds in his company leaves me on cloud nine, and given the grin on his face he feels the same.
Monday was also the day I finally broached the issue of Richard and I with my Dad after a talk with Mum that morning that contained the sentence “if you don’t watch it you’ll be out on your rear”. Quite frightening for me. Anyway after spending my day with Richard I decided to talk to Dad. He is so ok with it all it isn’t true. He has no problems with the age difference at all and we had a nice chat. Mum is going to take some time to get used to the situation, and it’ll help if I can prove I’ll be ok at uni. Again it helps Richard is determined to come and see me, it’s not an if he comes apparently it’s a when. He’s picking up overtime for the “Coming to see you” fund already.
Yesterday I saw Zena for what could be the last time for a loooooong time as she’s doing an exchange in Detroit this year. She may be leaving on Monday if her passport arrives by tomorrow. Chrish, Zena and I went to Manchester to do some shopping, a last girlie shopping trip, but I seriously want to see her one more time before she goes. It’s heartbreaking to know she’s leaving. I know once we’ve got addresses sorted we’ll write, but it still pains me to see her go. She will of course love it, which makes it all worthwhile. I’ll make her a scarf for Christmas methinks.
Sunday I FINNALY saw Luke. We had a long overdue chat about everything, there’s a fair bit of misunderstandings on both sides but it’s all been resolved nicely. We’re back on track, and went to see Rush Hour3. I am glad things are good between us, and we had a huge laugh as we always do.
Attempts to cut down on hours at work have failed miserably. I’ve somehow gained another 18 hours this week, plus my 15 on frozen. And I’ve got another 30 next week. Remind me NOT to ask for overtime next week, I seriously need to chill a bit before uni. Not to mention tidy my room STILL
Sunday, September 02, 2007
What’s Your Silver Lining?
One Heart, Celine Dion
Hello folks, long time no blogg :) My bad.
So where have I been. Well working my little tush off as a frozen monkey and counters lady for the last couple of weeks as always. My parents have been away so I’ve been living quite literally at Richards house. It’s been amazing. We’ve fitted into the routine in perfect harmony, no issues or anything. The highlight of the last 2 weeks was the other night when I kissed him goodbye before leaving to go and prepare tea at his whilst he worked. It ran something like this;
Me; See you later honey
Richard; Love you
*dramatic pause in which we both tried to work out if he really had just said that!
Me; Did you just say what I think you said……?
Richard; Yes….No…..I’m doing a Chandler *is flustered
Me; I love you too
I wasn’t expecting to be saying I love you so soon, neither was he, we’d already established it was probably gonna be a while before either of us felt that. But it happened; it came from the heart, without meaning to. And I’m so glad he said it. And I know he doesn’t regret it either.
So aside from being on cloud nine I have blitzed my bedroom, a process that is still happening. Lots of stuff is either gone, going or on ebay. I’m still knitting my bag for uni, which is about half done knitting wise. My plan is to cut down my hours the next month because I have so much still to do before going. Oh, and I’m into Cartmel Collage, land of the bunnies. House 5, Flat something-or-other, Thirlmere. It’s great. All my forms and stuff have been filled in ready to go back to them.
In short I am happy again. Back to who I was and who I’m supposed to be. The pain is still there when I think about Dom. But I don’t anymore, because I don’t need to. Richard is here to support me, and I know he will treat me the way I deserve to. He knows the Best Damn Thing when he sees it. Fate moves in mysterious ways.
Hello folks, long time no blogg :) My bad.
So where have I been. Well working my little tush off as a frozen monkey and counters lady for the last couple of weeks as always. My parents have been away so I’ve been living quite literally at Richards house. It’s been amazing. We’ve fitted into the routine in perfect harmony, no issues or anything. The highlight of the last 2 weeks was the other night when I kissed him goodbye before leaving to go and prepare tea at his whilst he worked. It ran something like this;
Me; See you later honey
Richard; Love you
*dramatic pause in which we both tried to work out if he really had just said that!
Me; Did you just say what I think you said……?
Richard; Yes….No…..I’m doing a Chandler *is flustered
Me; I love you too
I wasn’t expecting to be saying I love you so soon, neither was he, we’d already established it was probably gonna be a while before either of us felt that. But it happened; it came from the heart, without meaning to. And I’m so glad he said it. And I know he doesn’t regret it either.
So aside from being on cloud nine I have blitzed my bedroom, a process that is still happening. Lots of stuff is either gone, going or on ebay. I’m still knitting my bag for uni, which is about half done knitting wise. My plan is to cut down my hours the next month because I have so much still to do before going. Oh, and I’m into Cartmel Collage, land of the bunnies. House 5, Flat something-or-other, Thirlmere. It’s great. All my forms and stuff have been filled in ready to go back to them.
In short I am happy again. Back to who I was and who I’m supposed to be. The pain is still there when I think about Dom. But I don’t anymore, because I don’t need to. Richard is here to support me, and I know he will treat me the way I deserve to. He knows the Best Damn Thing when he sees it. Fate moves in mysterious ways.
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