It’s The Memory I Can See, Then This Fear Comes Over Me

Understand that I don’t mean to push you away from me
Afraid, Vanessa Hudgens

Busy couple of days, it’s my mum’s birthday today so yesterday I went out and got her present. Today we went out with her friend for lunch, which was hilarious as her friend seems to appreciate my sense of humour. We discovered a plant, which was unbelievably weird and thanks to some dodgy translations on it label seemed to be called the “sexy plant”. We bought it with the plan that, as long as it can survive the summer it will head off with me to Lancaster.

Tomorrow is my first day at ASDA. I’m a little excited and not all that nervous but I know it couldn’t have come at a better. I’ve realised that no matter how hard I work at school I will never get the recognition I deserve for the work I do. I’m getting very sick of nasty snippy comments from Marj. After more today I’m very glad there’s only one day left. I know I’m not the only one sick of her comments or the fact she doesn’t do any actual work. Ah well, checkouts here I come.

Beep…..beep…….beep……..beep

If Lonely Was My Only Trouble I’d Find Someone New. The Trouble With Me Is You.

The Trouble With Me, Crystal Gayle

Right before I get addicted to Facebooks newest application that involves training up fighting bunnies, which is waaaay too much like Pokemon , which explains my addiction to it, well where was I ……oh yes a blogg.

Well this weekend is the same as most. We went shopping yesterday morning, which got cut short when my idiot sister rang to say she’d locked herself out of the house. Once I’d grumbled enough I reminded my parents not to yell too much when they got back because she’d probably got upset enough alone and punished herself effectively. Well that’s what I would have done if it were me.
And you know what? She didn’t get told off, just a few “You silly girl” comments and told she’s not being left home alone for a couple of weeks. Huh. Now I KNOW if it were me I’d have gotten, well, a bollocking. *huffs

Today I was supposed to have a last girlie shopping trip with Zena, but she cancelled late last night. Given she’s going to Ghana on Thursday I can’t begrudge her seeing her granddad or having millions of jobs to do. Yeah I was disappointed but my bank balance breathed a sigh of relief.

Speaking of, has anyone else noticed that when your bank balance nears the £500 or £1000 it just refused to go over the marker? My account is stubbornly teetering around £500. It just won’t go past it and STAY past it. Damn retail therapy which doesn’t even bloody work. My account will get a shock when I get my first ASDA wage AND my last cleaning wage paid in in the same month. I defy it to resist then. *laughs evilly whilst trying not to tempt fate.

I’ve done a little research into my new job. Mainly bus times and fares. I’ve been anxious about being given a very early shift, purely cause I’m reliant on the bus to get there. Thankfully there’s one at 7.12am, and the earliest I said I could start is 7.30am. Which type of weekly ticket I may need will depend on how often/early I’m in. Any more that four days a week and it will be worth a weekly rover.

I Know This Must Seem So Desperate, But Desperate’s What I’ve Become

Physic, Vanessa Hugdens

Oh there was a rather large bumble bee bashing itself on my window just then. I’d let it in only I have issues with things that sting and have wings.

Neways I handed my notice in at Cleaning, I finish next Friday, the 29th, and have proper induction days at ASDA the 27th/28th. They kindly sent me an information pack today, which is useful cause I now know my hourly pay and stuff like that. Less useful is asking me to ring to confirm I will be attending the induction days and not including the stores number.
It didn’t feel so sad to hand in my notice at work, but one of the girls I’ve gotten really friendly with, Megan, looked heartbroken when I told her. Yeah she was glad for me, but she was sad, I’m not the only one who cleans the sixth form block that’s going, and I know what she feels like. When I finished for uni last year I wasn’t the first to go and the atmosphere changes. I plan to enjoy the next few days with Megan, Millie and Mel, because they rock so hard.

My friend Zena is back, and as she’s not only spending the summer building schools in Ghana but is going on a year long exchange in Detroit I quickly planned a girlie days yesterday with her. Jess also came, and because I am not about to actively exclude someone, I told Jess to invite Liz. Who came. So I spent most of the day wound up, nervous and on edge. Perhaps not ideal, but I met Zena for a brew before we met the others, so I got to explain things with Liz to her as well as I could without making excuses for my behaviour or making her chose sides. She was perhaps the most understanding and supportive of all my friends from my old social group, and was pretty annoyed at Liz for dumping me. We also got to giggle a lot with each other, as a pairing thing happened with Liz and Jess and me and Zena, so I was very happy and giggly with Zena. I’m really upset she’ll be away so much this summer, which can’t be helped and I seriously don’t begrudge it her. Just really gonna miss her, especially when I know how supportive she is. She goes away next Thursday so I’m hoping to see her this weekend and maybe again next week.

I’ve also seen Katie-Jane for lunch on Monday, (I think it was), which was fun. Lots of giggles but also a lot of deeper conversations, and the conclusion that Rawtenstall needs something more than 2 supermarkets.*looks proud that she knows how many customers and the weekly profit of the ASDA there.

On a sadder note Luke is home, has been since last Thursday/Friday. It isn’t looking good for our friendship. He hasn’t been in touch, whilst inviting Jess and Liz round Saturday night and last night before his brief trip to New York. Like I said, it isn’t looking good for our friendship. I mean I’m not writing it off just yet, but it isn’t looking good.

Time Washes Clean, Loves Wounds Unseen....

......Sounds like good advice but I don't know what it means......

Long Long Time, Mindy Mcreedy

Time......

.......................doesn't always help. It doesnt always heal. Sometimes something more is needed to fix the broken and to heal their wounds.

Happy To Help

Well as of today I am officially an employee of ASDA. I’ve got a job on checkouts, which will probably be ridiculously boring but it’s gotta be better than cleaning. I start in a couple of weeks. I got a really good vibe when I went to the interview, it was literally the most fun I’ve had all week* and I met a girl who’s not only going to Lancaster next year but has applied to the same accommodation as me. She was lovely. so fingers crossed.

In other news I have sent off my accommodation choices for uni, which was kinda sad seen as I’d always figured Katie would help me pick them and offer advice and stuff but well…..anyway it will either be Cartmel or County next year. Also sent off my student loan stuff, so that should in theory be all sorted now. I also sent off a nice little letter to the DVLA trying to get me a new driving license seen as I have no form of ID if by some miracle I ended up going out** and this evening I went to give blood for the third time. This time went better than last time, after which I nearly fainted and spent the evening very unwell. I did not intend to let it stop me, as long as they say I can donate its worth possibly feeling rubbish for a while because my blood type in the universal donor and very useful.

*yes my life is that tragic
**very very unlikely given I gave no social group anymore and the people I used to go out with I can’t which is horrible because I had a huge amount of fun with them all.

Where Do I Belong?

Anastasia

Life doesn't promise a bed of roses
Or white knights
Fields of emotions
I'm trapped in darkness
Why me
Save me

To win this twisted war inside me Won't justify the pain
Life doesn't promise a bed of roses

Lightening strikes the pages keep on turning
Help me to be strong
I'm floating in a sea of strange believers
Where do I belong?

I ran into Jess and Liz at Tesco today, at the self service tills. I managed to catch Jesses eye and say hi, despite Liz freezing me out and practically blocking Jesses view of me. We said hi and then they walked off. Literally that was it.
And I realised that’s it, that’s how my entire summer is going to go. Either being completely excluded like I was today, or the two of us being somewhere with others and the tension and in competition to talk to people. Whether they like it or not, people have to choose sides, even if it’s flexible and temporary, they still will and have to. Social occasions will deem it necessary.
It also hit me that I don’t belong to any social group anymore. Liz no longer wants anything to do with me and Luke’s pretty much made it clear he’s on her side. Jess went shopping with Liz today but never even bothers to ask me for a brew or something. I saw Chrish in ASDA on Sunday, and the conversation was brief, I walked off to get my dip and thought she’d follow but she didn’t. Zena will be in Ghana for the summer. Jess Milly is working and hasn’t bothered to see me at all which wasn’t likely. To be blunt, I just don’t have a proper social group. I have friends like Katie-Jane and Nick but I have no actual place where I belong.

I have a job interview on Thursday with ASDA. I don’t know if I want it really, but the money would be useful. If I get it I can see me working all summer because I have sod all else to do and anything would be better than remembering how wonderful last summer was compared this. On the other hand I work at ASDA and I will see even less of Jess, because I barely see her now.

I just……

………..want to go back in time. So badly.

But at least I found my passport for the job interview. It’s been missing for about 7 months now.

Na na na na na nanana STUDBUG!

Errr, that was supposed to be to the tune of Batman!

Soo the weekend was better than most. I went shopping with the family Saturday morning, then to the local craft fair which is on. Bought a very pretty gold ring. It looks like a lot of little flowers and leaves all twisted together. I’m amazed someone made it in my size as I’ve got rather small fingers!
I went to Katie-Janes in the afternoon. We went for a picnic with Kim and her boyfriend Pete, which was hilarious. Katie suggested we went to the field with tall grass so we could roll a place. Sounded like a good idea, unfortunately the grass was taller than me! So rolling a spot was more like throw the blanket down and hurl yourself on it. We destroyed whole little buggy worlds!
Several more interesting discoveries were made whilst picnicking. One is that Hot Cross Buns are pretty yummy when dipped in sour cream and chive dip. That was Kim’s discovery. Mine was a pair of fornicating bugs on a plant near me. And my, those bugs were sure going for it. They were still at it nearly 45mins later when we left! Defiantly the StudBug of the Bug world.

Oh yeah and the grass attacked me alllll day and gave me some of the biggest sneezing fits ever!

Neways after the picnic and a very long walk we retired to Katie-Janes to bed down and watch American Beauty, (which is pretty weird), and Team America, (which is pretty crap). Unfortunately so much outsideness and walking made us tired so we fell asleep really quickly hehe. But it was a lovely time, and I was so glad to be with nice people.

And I would blogg more but the chance to play games is too big a lure.

You’re Charlie but without the H!

I should blogg. I haven’t for aaaaaages because I suck.

So, right, well what’ve I been up to in a nutshell? Well last Friday I went for lunch and shopping with Katie-Jane, Kim, and Katie-Jane’s brother and sister. It was very amusing, especially as Kim and I came up with a very interesting theory and totally rearrange the theory of evolution. It went something like this;

Jam was around when the dinosaurs were. What else would the Triceratops put on their leaves other than jam. Jam and toast, leaves and toast, not a big jump.
Ketchup was also around with the dinosaurs because T.Rex’s kinda need something to go with that slab of Triceratops.
Predating those was Tar-tar sauce, which or course appeared at the same time as that fishy primordial soup we crawled out of.

The weekend was less good, mainly because we went to see my Nana on Saturday who decided to spend a good chunk of the day telling me I’m fat or words to that effect. Thank a bunch. And yes she DOES know she’s accusing me of being fat. As if I didn’t have enough issues with my weight and food and stuff.

Earlier this week I went for dinner with Katie-Jane, which was good because it gave us a chance to talk. I like that, someone who understands so completely. *hugs to Katie-Jane.

I was supposed to be going out tonight with Adam but thankfully he had to cancel. I didn’t particularly feel like being groped at or whatever.