Afraid Of Feeling Nothing, No Bees or Butterflies

Home, Sheryl Crow

Dudes I just had my first lecture :) Go me. I have yet another one at errrmmmmm, 11, so need to leave soon. It was a good lecture and I may be able to swing my Friday afternoon practicle so I finish at 4 o'clock. Which makes life sooooo much easier for going home at weekends.

Home? Yep, I'm going home at weekends. I went home last weekend and it was good. I didn't realise just how much I'd missed Richard until I saw him. I ended up working on Saturday, (a good excuse to come home), which meant we got the full day together and the evening too. He's still very unhappy at ASDA, so he's off to the job shop yet again today. I'm hopefull he'll find something with better pay, he'll love it here. The sooner he saves up the sooner we're together in Lancaster.

In terms of uni I think I'm ready this year. Lancaster feels totally like home, my flat mates are brilliant, as are the people I've met from other courses and through other things. Tonight or tomorrow night I'm supposed to be going to the ballroom dancing taster sessions...eeep! But I also have a ridiculous amount of tidying up to do. My room is still not organised just as it should be.

Oh this will make you laugh. I spent an hour looking for my keys last night. I let myself into my room and put them down, only not to be able to find them. Where were they? Hidden in a pocket in my jeans I didn't know I had.
*bangs head on wall

Don't Wanna Be All By Myself

All By Myself, Celine Dion

So I have 2 days before I go to Lancaster. I'm not looking forward to it. Yes I'm looking forward to my own space, and the independacne I had during my parents holiday, and I'm eagerish to do a degree, but the problem is simple. I don't want to leave Richard.
We've talked it round and round, and there's no way he's letting me drop out, as much as he wants me to be around, he isn't allowing himself to be that selfish. So after a lot of tears and talking a desison was reached. At some point in the future Richard will move to Lancaster. He can transfer to ASDA there untill he finds a job he's happier with. Fiancially from my research we'd have to live together to be able to afford rent. There an awful lot to think about, least of all finding a place in Lancaster and giving his current housemate fair warning. But it will happen. It gives me strength, he's prepared to give up so much to be with me. In return I have to try and make the uni thing work until we're together. Which isn't going to be easy, but at least I know being alone in Lancaster isn't a permanant feature of my life.

Hello Moto

Someone just rang my mobile. The number came up as anonomous but no one spoke when i answered it. So I put the phone down and ignored it when they rang back. How odd.

Also odd was I got a text off Liz this morning, the blanket kind when you're mass inviting people to something. Chrish and her are planning a meal together with everyone and the text was to find out who was free. She even polietly replied when I text back to say I'd rather it wasn't at a Chinese but I'd cope if nowhere else was possible. Maybe the frost is starting to thaw? I was glad she text me, and replied nicely.

Anyhooo I shall stop painting this unicorn and go cause we're going to see my grandparents before I go away next weekend. Then I'm going to Richards! Yay!

If I Had A Little Money

Money, Money, Money, ABBA

I'm still alive just super busy juggling a combination of work, social life, boyfriend and the millions of pre-uni jobs I have to do. I get some done and shorten the list only for it to massivly grow again. Garrrrrrr

Things with Richard are still amazing, we're getting along brilliantly. He's hasd alot of stress at work this last fortnight which we've tackled together. I pushed him to see a doctor following what appeared to be anxiety attacks and pains in his chest. It's become very clear alot of the staff are out to bully him or get him into trouble as much as possible before he moves departments. It has kinda cut out honeymoon period short, but it's nice to be in a kind of relationship where you can lean on each other and tackle things together. I know he's so grateful for my presence and is relieved he hasn't driven me away. I'm hoping things will settle once he's moved departments, because I'm not going to be so easy to get to once I'm in Lancaster.

As for Uni, I'm not sure what the feelings are there. I'm desperate for the space and freedom from my parents. However loving they are I miss the freedom I had whilst they were away. But there's also the aspect that rigth here right now I like my life. It's fine the way it is. I guess I can only try.
It is turning into an expensive thing. Aside from the usual £200+ that Lancaster has had out of me for lord knows what I've had to pay out my insurance tonight and I suspect there is more to come. I'll be glad when it's pay day next week.

Right what's next on the job list? Oh good, sleep :)

If It Makes You Happy, It Can’t Be That Bad

If It Makes You Happy, Sheryl Crow

Hey
I have a happy feel good blogg planned for sometime soon, don’t fret folks, this isn’t a slip back into the Misery Bloggs of a few months ago. But right now I’m feeling pretty low. In short my Dad seems depressed, he’s not happy at work, (and not happy means he’s even more unhappy than normal, which is a lot unhappy), pissed off with my Nanna more than usual, and possibly a little worried about me or just dealing with Mums usual childish reaction. So Dad’s depressed and all quiet and I know he doesn’t want to talk to me about it really.

Mum, well Mum is doing her usual Boyfriend Routine where she disapproves of the fact I have one so makes it BLOODY PLAIN. CAN YOU HEAR THAT? THAT’S WHAT IT FEELS LIKE. She’s frosty, short with me and just making it plain she doesn’t like me being with someone again. Oh and NOW she gets to throw the depression into it. “You’re jumping in way too fast and your STILL on medication from the last debacle”. Yeah mum, you have to take antidepressants for about 6 months after you start feeling better, and guess what I FEEL BETTER.

Things with Richard, are well, amazing. I’m not about to repeat what’s been said between us this weekend but trust me, this relationship was not a mistake.

I’m trying to be patient and understanding with my parents. Dad I can kinda understand, especially now I’ve had depression. But Mum, it’s just driving another wedge between us. When she did her disapproving act about Dom I stopped wanting to talk to her, and we drifted apart a little. Rather than airing her opinion and then moving on I have 3 more weeks of this to cope with. And it’s so depressing. I’m trying to understand but once again I feel like nothing I do is ever good enough. And I feel very very depressed. I’m going to Richards for three hours before work, it’s worth the agro off Mum once she finds out, I can’t stand to be in this house all day with her.

The depression will clear once I’ve spoken to Richard, but then I have to come home and feel like crap for being so happy. It isn’t right that is it? Yes they’re worried, but making me feel like crap? Because I’m happy? Not right. Ever.

You Gotta Talk To The One That Made You, Talk To The One Who Understands

Light In Your Eyes, Sheryl Crow

Well it’s been an interesting last few days. There’s been lots of Richard time, often a few hours here or there because one of us is pretty much always working. Aside from Monday, Monday we were both off so spent the day together. *grins broadly. That was a lot of fun. I love the fact that 10 seconds in his company leaves me on cloud nine, and given the grin on his face he feels the same.

Monday was also the day I finally broached the issue of Richard and I with my Dad after a talk with Mum that morning that contained the sentence “if you don’t watch it you’ll be out on your rear”. Quite frightening for me. Anyway after spending my day with Richard I decided to talk to Dad. He is so ok with it all it isn’t true. He has no problems with the age difference at all and we had a nice chat. Mum is going to take some time to get used to the situation, and it’ll help if I can prove I’ll be ok at uni. Again it helps Richard is determined to come and see me, it’s not an if he comes apparently it’s a when. He’s picking up overtime for the “Coming to see you” fund already.

Yesterday I saw Zena for what could be the last time for a loooooong time as she’s doing an exchange in Detroit this year. She may be leaving on Monday if her passport arrives by tomorrow. Chrish, Zena and I went to Manchester to do some shopping, a last girlie shopping trip, but I seriously want to see her one more time before she goes. It’s heartbreaking to know she’s leaving. I know once we’ve got addresses sorted we’ll write, but it still pains me to see her go. She will of course love it, which makes it all worthwhile. I’ll make her a scarf for Christmas methinks.

Sunday I FINNALY saw Luke. We had a long overdue chat about everything, there’s a fair bit of misunderstandings on both sides but it’s all been resolved nicely. We’re back on track, and went to see Rush Hour3. I am glad things are good between us, and we had a huge laugh as we always do.

Attempts to cut down on hours at work have failed miserably. I’ve somehow gained another 18 hours this week, plus my 15 on frozen. And I’ve got another 30 next week. Remind me NOT to ask for overtime next week, I seriously need to chill a bit before uni. Not to mention tidy my room STILL

What’s Your Silver Lining?

One Heart, Celine Dion

Hello folks, long time no blogg :) My bad.

So where have I been. Well working my little tush off as a frozen monkey and counters lady for the last couple of weeks as always. My parents have been away so I’ve been living quite literally at Richards house. It’s been amazing. We’ve fitted into the routine in perfect harmony, no issues or anything. The highlight of the last 2 weeks was the other night when I kissed him goodbye before leaving to go and prepare tea at his whilst he worked. It ran something like this;

Me; See you later honey
Richard; Love you
*dramatic pause in which we both tried to work out if he really had just said that!
Me; Did you just say what I think you said……?
Richard; Yes….No…..I’m doing a Chandler *is flustered
Me; I love you too

I wasn’t expecting to be saying I love you so soon, neither was he, we’d already established it was probably gonna be a while before either of us felt that. But it happened; it came from the heart, without meaning to. And I’m so glad he said it. And I know he doesn’t regret it either.

So aside from being on cloud nine I have blitzed my bedroom, a process that is still happening. Lots of stuff is either gone, going or on ebay. I’m still knitting my bag for uni, which is about half done knitting wise. My plan is to cut down my hours the next month because I have so much still to do before going. Oh, and I’m into Cartmel Collage, land of the bunnies. House 5, Flat something-or-other, Thirlmere. It’s great. All my forms and stuff have been filled in ready to go back to them.

In short I am happy again. Back to who I was and who I’m supposed to be. The pain is still there when I think about Dom. But I don’t anymore, because I don’t need to. Richard is here to support me, and I know he will treat me the way I deserve to. He knows the Best Damn Thing when he sees it. Fate moves in mysterious ways.

You Held My Hand And Walked Me Home I Know, You Gave Me A Kiss It Went Something Like This It Made Me Go Oh Oh

Don’t Tell Me, Avril Lavigne

Well after a rather busy week I’ve managed to get a day off. It was spent sorting out the odd form and posting the odd ebay parcel. I managed to sneak a trip to ASDA in, during which my mum briefly met Richard, and hasn’t expressed any extreme dislike, and didn’t seem to mind lots when I stayed behind to wait until he could have a break. We then spent a lovely 15 minuets being gawped at in the staff canteen, we’re not obvious that we’re now together, but the body language says it all. The number of staff that openly sit and stare at us is unbelievable, like we’re a freak show! The managers are worse, Richards had an huge amount of “funny” comments when he’s been on a break alone. It’s like, err hello Mr Managers do you think YOU could get a 19 year old girlfriend? I don’t THINK so.
I was even more upset and angry when he text me saying our manager, Danny, had laid into him before going home for me coming down this afternoon. I stood there chatting to him whilst he worked away, it was very professional, we always are when on the shop floor, (well unless it’s 9 o’clock on the biscuit isle……), but it makes me so angry. We were doing nothing wrong. The sooner he goes the better.

Been shopping briefly this week, but mainly it’s been all about work. Pretty much solidly, long shifts too. Although I had the delight of Richard walking to and from work to see me three times on Tuesday, made the lonesome frozen shift well worth it :) He got soaked three times. But he did come back and walk me to the bus, I don’t like catching it at 10.20 at night.

Yeah, you may have gathered I’m seeing Richard now. To hell with the age difference, he treats me better than anyone ever has. We’re talking completely smitten, absolutely adoring me. And I’m becoming increasingly smitten back.

OOOO and thanks to the wonder of Facebook I’ve made TWO new friends at Lancaster, brilliant eh? As for results day yesterday, I haven’t gotten my results yet, didn’t want to go and get them, they’re not in the paper so I’m just hoping they will be posted to me.

It Was Long Ago And It Was Far Away, Oh God It Seems So Very Far

Objects In The Review Mirror May Appear Closer Than They Are, Meat Loaf

Well my very early start turned out to be quite good really, working from 7 until 2 does give me a little more day to work with afterwards. Today I was on the Deli, which started out quite badly. The people there didn’t exactly give me clear instructions to begin with. For example if you tell me to put fresh bowls out I will, but I won’t transfer the contents of them from old bowl to new bowl unless you say so. Things picked up later, I got the hang of things like wrapping the pies and stuff, and using the scales. It’s good to learn something new.
I had dinner again with Richard and then we ran my errands, (which was mainly posting stuff), before wandering up to the park to look at the bunnies that live there. Except there aren’t any rabbits there anymore, they’ve been moved for some reason. He said they’d gone on holiday but I’m still miffed. We did have fun feeding some pigeons flapjack and squashed MilkyWay. It was hilarious, the speed they moved when you threw stuff was impressive. We spent along time watching them closely and deciding there was a security guard one who seemed intent on checking out my bag, one with UGG boots on (feathery feet), and a rather bossy one. Plus the slow one that always gets left behind and some pretty brown ones. As well as the odd inter-breed bird.

I’m feeling particularly lonely again. The only people I see are those I work with, and as much as Richard is lovely, he doesn’t quite fill the void. Yeah I know, I’ll make friends at uni, but that doesn’t help me in the mean time does it? I managed to plan something with Luke for Sunday only for him to blow me off, so that sucked ass. And whenever I try and suggest something to someone all I get is “I’m tired”. Well so am I. *grumbles.

I do apologise, I haven’t been sleeping too well. Herbal sleep pills it is for me tonight. It makes me terribly whiny when I don’t get enough sleep.

Put Your Heart In My Hands

I'd Lie For You, Meat Loaf

I thought I’d blogg before I start another hugely busy week. All I seem to do is work, but at least I’m being paid and it’s fun. We may have got our manager under control currently; he was being exceptionally nice to us all on Saturday, frightening but most likely the result of a bollocking, (to be blunt). We encouraged it, all of us were very helpful and worked much harder, it made sense to encourage it even further.
I’ve dealt with the massive amount of mail I seem to have received today. A replacement drivers license has been ordered, and my NUS card is renewed too. Various bank type forms have also been done. Then a million things have been filed. Now all I need to do is get the shredder out.
I should go really, I’m up at HALF FIVE tomorrow to do some overtime on the Counters department. Then I have lunch with Richard again, (*grins), then I’m coming home to sleep!
Ooooo and I finished Harry Potter. It was good. Now I’m reading Prisoner of Askaban again.

Turn The Radio On, To Some Sad Country Song. Those Guys What They Play, Know Just What To Say.

I’m the voice you never listen too,
And I had to break your heart to make you see,
That He’s the one who will be missing you,
And you’ll only miss the man that you wanted him to be
Shut Up and Drive, Chely Wright (Yep folks I'm back on the country!)

*potential spoiler if you haven’t read past Chapter 7 of Harry Potter but I assume everyone has.

Well today was an odd day. Odd in the sense it was neither a work day nor a day off. I wasn’t in till four, so got to wander down to Tesco with mum for odds and ends. I wore my maxi dress and managed to look like a gypsy reject. Not a bad look really, my dress is lovely, I’ve been watching it for weeks in ASDA waiting for a reduction, and it finally happened last weekend. It’s got a lovely old fashion print on it and looks lovely. *happy face. The trip also turned up Jess, who I had a lovely chat with. We arranged to meet for a brew next week sometime, and it was a relief to know that despite a lack of contact between us, we’re still friends. Liz also arrived just as I did, which left me feeling wound up and panicky for a long time, until I was sure she was gone really. The fact that still happens confirms leaving cleaning was not a mistake.

I have decided to try and build some bridges with some people. I messaged Luke on Facebook, and although he claims it’s my fault for not texting him it looks like we’ll be seeing each other eventually. I saw Jess which saved me a text, but I must do so later this week. Spoke to Chrish online, and again there are plans to meet for lunch at some point this week. There are two more people I would really like back in my life, but well, I don’t know what else to say there. They know who they are I guess.

Had my first review at work, which went rather well, well as well as can be expected with a manager who’s an idiot. He’s going to have a problem tomorrow, there is no one in for tomorrow. And none of us are willing to come in. I have plans, Richard is so peed off with the manager he won’t come in from his holiday, and they’ll be too afraid to ring Jimmy. Methinks something will be hitting the fan.

I finally started Harry Potter. I got very desperate for some relief from the stuff in my head last night and decided to give it a shot. It’s not as heavy going as Northanger Abbey, and with a faster moving plot so it was easier to force myself to focus. So I got an hours blessed relief from my thoughts aside from the bit where the think Mad Eye is dead…..*cries.

The Traffic In My Brain’s Driving Me Insane

The Getaway, Hilary Duff

I’ve had a better day today. Well I did once I got to work anyway. My manager was off, which was naturally meant a more relaxed atmosphere, especially seen as he seems to have taken a real dislike to me. What made it such an awesome day was Richard decided to come in to work. He’s booked the week off as a holiday, but we knew yesterday there would be loads of stuff, and it would need more than just me. He freely admitted at the end of the day he’d had far more fun at work with me than he would have done at home, AND we’d done a massive amount of work. We had an absolute ball. At one point we were just sat in the lift going up and down and up and down. All well and good till we were sat at the Ground floor and someone called the lift up to the First. It was hilarious! Then we spent about half an hour in the main delivery freezer sorting all the comps and stuff out, and boy was it cold. We lost the feeling in numerous places that there should be feeling, but it looked amazingly good once we’d done and we were so proud. I just wish either of us knew what happened to those apple turnovers that had been dumped in our freezer….I picked them up and slug them on our flatbed to return to the right departments damages later and they mysteriously vanished. Hmmm oddness indeed.

I’m off again tomorrow. One of my only days off this week, the only other is Tuesday. It sucks. I have nothing to do tomorrow beyond the usual family trip to ASDA. Work may sometimes be depressing and boring but its better than being sat in front of my laptop all day feeling lonely. I used to love my weekends, but now my days off are just, well empty. Yeah, get a hobby. I know. But that’s not people is it? Yeah I know, it’ll sort itself out come uni, but that is still 2 plus months off. Fact is, I can’t think of a single reason to actually get up tomorrow.

Oh, thanks to the brilliance of Helena the thing with the Halifax appears to be sorted. It was, as I suspected, spam, but I still emailed the Halifax to check, mainly because my Dad will whine if I don’t. With having my bank card stolen not so very long ago I’m pretty wary of stuff like that.

When I Got Last In Fantasies And Cartoon Lands Of Mysteries

Innocent Eyes, Delta Goodrem

Sooo I appear to have sorted out my Hours Issue at work. My manager was cruel enough to give me just 7 ½ hours next week. I stood my ground and yet again pestered for more hours but it wasn’t looking likely. Until I realised that my wage slip says I’m contracted for 15 hours work. Words with my manger followed. He seemed convinced that because I’m only Seasonal he didn’t have to give me the hours my contract says I’m entitled too. That seemed odd to me, surely a contract is a contract? He said he would find out. His sudden foul mood was later explained by his discovery that yes, if my contract says 15 hours he has to give me 15 hours.
He came back to me yesterday pretending to have found me loads next week. Guess how he found them? He discovered that one of the staff is off next week, he’d forgotten despite signing of for the holiday about 2 weeks ago. At least I have lots of hours next week.

Oh and get this. He said to one of my co-workers today he can’t stand Richard, (another frozen monkey), and me and think we’re both lazy and have no respect for him. Ok, if I was lazy I wouldn’t be happily coming in whenever the hell he likes and working my ass off. As for no respect for my manger? Well I don’t anymore. Not if he’s slagging me off to a co-worker. That is the height of unprofessional.

Today was my day off. To be completely honest there was actually no point in it at all, I may as well been at work. Mum literally yelled me out of bed for no good reason this morning and it quickly became apparent that my few friends were either working or had no interest in seeing me. I managed to do some work on my peacock design but nothing amazing. I just wasn’t in the mood for any of it. I mused over starting Harry Potter, but I find it impossible to focus on books these days, I can’t lose myself in a world of fantasy anymore. Hell, I used to love reading, don’t get me wrong, there’s a STACK of reading awards somewhere in my mums’ wardrobe. I just can’t seem to do it anymore. Harry Potter will come to Lancaster though, I’m sure it will be read then. This evening I feel I’ve had an argument with someone and well, am trying not to feel like all boys are just designed to mess with my head. They are probably not, but I don’t think I can deal so well with being jerked around. Being lead to believe one thing then having the carpet ripped out from under my feet.

On a good note, it appears I have managed to get myself a student account with NatWest, which is great as they offer a free 5 year railcard. I am a bit worried by the email I got from the Halifax saying they’d detected an attempt to access my online account .I don’t have any accounts with them….oooohh dear. Methinks a trip to the bank is needed.
Looking forward to work tomorrow. I have five hours with Richard, which should be a ball. It was the other day.

Spider Pig Spider Pig....

Apparently this is me as a Simpson.....funkydory!

The Unicorn; Why It Always Has A Headache

Henry titled tonights blogg. I don't at any point answer that question in my blogg.

Subtitled by Katie-Jane;
"Don't save me, don't save me because I don't care" Saviour, 30Seconds to Mars

Had a busy day today. I rang the student loans people to ask why my parents haven’t had their P60’s back, only to be told that was my local education authority’s job. At least SLC were really helpful and gave me Lancashire’s LEA number. Apparently there’s a 4-6 week backlog of papers and stuff so my parents can stop worrying.
Then I filled out the forms for my student account with the NatWest, and spent most of the day trying to find the letter from UCAS offering me my unconditional offer. In the end I gave up and sent the offer letter from Lancaster which is apparently just as good.
I also changed my tariff on Orange so I get 300 free texts whenever I top up by £10, which saves me changing to O2 to get the same deal. Means my Dad can’t moan that I won’t be one of his “magic numbers” anymore. He didn’t seem to understand that that doesn’t benefit me at all, but changing networks would. Anyway I have been saved a lot of trouble by the wonderful Katie-Jane who discovered Orange do the same deal.

Christine and Joanne came up today. We watched Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and picked the odd fault with it. We had plenty to catch up on and walked to Tesco so I could post my mail and we could get some fresh air. Joanne made friends with a random cat who seemed determined to come home with us a one point.
What was sad for me is watching Christine. She suffers from some illness with the word palsy in its name. it affects her nerves and muscles so they contract and kinda freak out causing her to twitch and her body to contort. She wasn’t supposed to develop it until her 40’s but a fall whilst at uni has brought it on. It’s awful watching someone you care for so much in that kind of pain and be so frustrated because when she’s in a spasm there’s nothing you can do. It’s hard to ignore but I’ve found it best to check if she needs anything or I can do anything then carry on as if she’s fine, which she seems to appreciate. My mum hadn’t until today witnessed it, so found it a little upsetting. It’s even worse because she’s had so much pain in her life; she was born with twisted hips/feey, and bullied into terrible depression when she moved away from where I live. And even her bloody girlfriend is a childish little cow. Well I just don’t think she good enough for my Christine but you know, I may be biased there…

Tomorrow is going to be interesting I think. My manager has got me on for only one day next week. Queue fireworks on my part when I found out, and lots of tears. Never mind one day doesn’t even cover my contracted hours but its just bloody ridiculous. I’ve spoken to my co-worker who’s in tomorrow and we have numerous plans of attack. One is he will drop some of his hours so I can take them, and if worst comes to worst we speak to the Union women as my contract won’t be met. You’d think my manager would be glad to have a hard working employee who WANTS to work. I know he’s being pressured as all the departments are to cut down hours but one day a week? Get serious mate!

Toll A Bell For The Brohen Hearted

Busy few days, mainly work and other stuff. I’ve seen Harry Potter twice, it is amazing. Much better than the book, mainly because Harry comes across not so much as a moody pain in the ass but more as someone with Lord V inside his head. I’m also totally in love with the dress sense some of the actresses have, that Luna Lovegood has got style!

I’ve continued the whole drawing thing. The actual knitting of the bag is progressing slowly, but it does look like we’ll need more wool than we first thought. Shoot. Anyway I seem to have cracked the difficult bit and got to grips with peacocks. Lookey;

Some days I feel so numb and empty

And those would be the good days for me

Nothing gets to me now

Unless I'm thinking of how

The future ain't what it used to be

Meat Loaf, The Future Ain't What It Used To Be

Just Let Me Live my Life…..Freak Out, Let It Go

Freak Out, Avril Lavigne

Huston we have wool!

I’ve spent forever over the last couple of weeks looking for wool to make a bag with. I saw one at the local craft fair and mum suggested rather than buy it I could make it myself. Apparently it would be cheaper. Well cheaper, no, the wool was about £4.50 a ball, and we bought 4, with the possibility we’ll need more, and we’ve got buses to about a million different places to get hold of the right wool. However we have it, it’s kind of slate grey/teal with yellow, orange, blue, purple, pink and red mixed it. It screams peacock at the inner artist. Mum and I started it this afternoon; it’ll be a joint project, easy for me because it’s just straight knitting and it’s looking good already.

In a bid to help myself, because yes people, believe it or not I am trying not to just sit here and fester, I got out my sketchbook and found some peacock pictures and have begun working on a stylised image to put on it. I haven’t done anything creative properly for a while, so I’m hoping to find some kind of peace of mind in all the development that is needed, and at last it will provide me with something more to focus on.

Being a frozen monkey is still fun. I’m having issues with the fact I’m getting far fewer hours than I was hoping for but I’ve been advised by a co-worker to keep pushing and pestering for them. It’s still more money than cleaning, but I’m after more. Hopefully my manager will get the message soon. See I’m even standing up for myself.

Held Up So High, On Such A Breakable Thread

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

Happy Ending, Avril Lavigne

I saw this and thought of you....

Just a quickie to say I'm still alive and well. ASDA is still funish, especaially when it's just me and Richard wokring a shift. The sweetie cancelled his holidays for the SECOND time after he was double booked AGAIN by the idiot manager, just so I wouldn' t be left alone in charge of vas amounts of frozen foods.

In breif, my life outside of work has consisted of going to Manchester shopping with Nickers, who behaved himself whilst I bought knickers in Primark. He even behaved in the long que at the tills purely because I got chatting to a girl in front and between us we kept him inline. Girl power!
I've also seen the ever lovely Katie-Jane for brews and munchies, which as always produces a random assortment of random comments.
Jess called up today to give me my Avon. I'm releived and enhopeendeded because she gave me another brochure so she cant be planning on losing touch altogtether. I guess we shall see, but it was nice to chat even if it was for only 10 mins.

My room is also experiencing the start of The Grand Sort Out I meant to have last year prior to uni. Only the beginning but I'm hopin gto do a little every now and again then I don't get bored. Oddly enough the prospect of going out to see Nickers and Katie-Jane yesterday and not being allowed out untill all my shopping bags from the last few weeks had been cleared away meant I did about 40 minuets solid work. I wasnt allowed out to play otherwise. My mum NEVER used that threat when I was younger!

Anyhooo the whole point of this blogg, other than to say I'm still alive, was this photo which I took after having lunch with Mum and Nana in a place called Damm House in Astley, (not far from Salford Manchester). Can you guess who it made me think of?

Naked

Naked, Avril Lavigne

Well yes a long blogg absence has been had. I do apologise. In brief, I started at ASDA last Wednesday, spent 2 days on an induction with a group of wonderfully lovely people, most of whom were at my group interview. The girl who is going to Lancaster, Emily got a job, as did all of the other lovely people. The induction was lots of fun, if a little brain washing. I can now tell you a disturbing amount about ASDA’s rather American policy of caring for the customer, but at least a huge amount stuck.
Friday and Saturday was spent training for Q Busting, in other words, learning how to use the tills for when it’s busy and I’m needed. Tell you what I loved hearing my name over the speakers the other day! I should explain at this point I’m not a till girl anymore, they shuffled us all around on the induction days and put me in Grocery.
It probably seems a bit early to be fussy, but I’m hoping to transfer back to the checkouts. Grocery is ok, but I prefer being on the tills. Bizarre considering the 9-5.30 shift I pulled on Saturday was exhausting, but I love the customer interaction. Playing peekaboo with the three year old over my till was the highlight of my day! But I enjoy it, and the woman who’s in charge of the tills thought I was brilliant. There’s a couple of BIG disadvantages to be being in the Grocery department. I mainly work in the freezer section and due to my size I CANNOT move the comps full of frozen food. And whoever built the ramp UP to the frozen food storage unit needs their head read. Neways I’m going to looks into moving to checkouts cause well, I can give so much more to ASDA if I’m on the tills.

In other news Luke randomly started talking to me last night. I’m not too sure what to do over it, I was very brief with him. I didn’t realise how much he’d hurt me until last night. I can forgive, that’s not an issue, it’s more, well, forgetting. It didn’t help that he only seemed interested in finding out if there were anymore jobs at ASDA.

I’ve seen Katie-Jane and Nick a couple of times, in particular last night which was fun. Although me falling apart didn’t help matters. I suck sometimes. But its like, well, this;

I wake up in the morning
Put on my face
The one that's gonna get me
Through another day
Doesn't really matter
How I feel inside
This life is like a game sometimes