Understand that I don’t mean to push you away from me
Afraid, Vanessa Hudgens
Busy couple of days, it’s my mum’s birthday today so yesterday I went out and got her present. Today we went out with her friend for lunch, which was hilarious as her friend seems to appreciate my sense of humour. We discovered a plant, which was unbelievably weird and thanks to some dodgy translations on it label seemed to be called the “sexy plant”. We bought it with the plan that, as long as it can survive the summer it will head off with me to Lancaster.
Tomorrow is my first day at ASDA. I’m a little excited and not all that nervous but I know it couldn’t have come at a better. I’ve realised that no matter how hard I work at school I will never get the recognition I deserve for the work I do. I’m getting very sick of nasty snippy comments from Marj. After more today I’m very glad there’s only one day left. I know I’m not the only one sick of her comments or the fact she doesn’t do any actual work. Ah well, checkouts here I come.
Beep…..beep…….beep……..beep
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Sunday, June 24, 2007
If Lonely Was My Only Trouble I’d Find Someone New. The Trouble With Me Is You.
The Trouble With Me, Crystal Gayle
Right before I get addicted to Facebooks newest application that involves training up fighting bunnies, which is waaaay too much like Pokemon , which explains my addiction to it, well where was I ……oh yes a blogg.
Well this weekend is the same as most. We went shopping yesterday morning, which got cut short when my idiot sister rang to say she’d locked herself out of the house. Once I’d grumbled enough I reminded my parents not to yell too much when they got back because she’d probably got upset enough alone and punished herself effectively. Well that’s what I would have done if it were me.
And you know what? She didn’t get told off, just a few “You silly girl” comments and told she’s not being left home alone for a couple of weeks. Huh. Now I KNOW if it were me I’d have gotten, well, a bollocking. *huffs
Today I was supposed to have a last girlie shopping trip with Zena, but she cancelled late last night. Given she’s going to Ghana on Thursday I can’t begrudge her seeing her granddad or having millions of jobs to do. Yeah I was disappointed but my bank balance breathed a sigh of relief.
Speaking of, has anyone else noticed that when your bank balance nears the £500 or £1000 it just refused to go over the marker? My account is stubbornly teetering around £500. It just won’t go past it and STAY past it. Damn retail therapy which doesn’t even bloody work. My account will get a shock when I get my first ASDA wage AND my last cleaning wage paid in in the same month. I defy it to resist then. *laughs evilly whilst trying not to tempt fate.
I’ve done a little research into my new job. Mainly bus times and fares. I’ve been anxious about being given a very early shift, purely cause I’m reliant on the bus to get there. Thankfully there’s one at 7.12am, and the earliest I said I could start is 7.30am. Which type of weekly ticket I may need will depend on how often/early I’m in. Any more that four days a week and it will be worth a weekly rover.
Right before I get addicted to Facebooks newest application that involves training up fighting bunnies, which is waaaay too much like Pokemon , which explains my addiction to it, well where was I ……oh yes a blogg.
Well this weekend is the same as most. We went shopping yesterday morning, which got cut short when my idiot sister rang to say she’d locked herself out of the house. Once I’d grumbled enough I reminded my parents not to yell too much when they got back because she’d probably got upset enough alone and punished herself effectively. Well that’s what I would have done if it were me.
And you know what? She didn’t get told off, just a few “You silly girl” comments and told she’s not being left home alone for a couple of weeks. Huh. Now I KNOW if it were me I’d have gotten, well, a bollocking. *huffs
Today I was supposed to have a last girlie shopping trip with Zena, but she cancelled late last night. Given she’s going to Ghana on Thursday I can’t begrudge her seeing her granddad or having millions of jobs to do. Yeah I was disappointed but my bank balance breathed a sigh of relief.
Speaking of, has anyone else noticed that when your bank balance nears the £500 or £1000 it just refused to go over the marker? My account is stubbornly teetering around £500. It just won’t go past it and STAY past it. Damn retail therapy which doesn’t even bloody work. My account will get a shock when I get my first ASDA wage AND my last cleaning wage paid in in the same month. I defy it to resist then. *laughs evilly whilst trying not to tempt fate.
I’ve done a little research into my new job. Mainly bus times and fares. I’ve been anxious about being given a very early shift, purely cause I’m reliant on the bus to get there. Thankfully there’s one at 7.12am, and the earliest I said I could start is 7.30am. Which type of weekly ticket I may need will depend on how often/early I’m in. Any more that four days a week and it will be worth a weekly rover.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
I Know This Must Seem So Desperate, But Desperate’s What I’ve Become
Physic, Vanessa Hugdens
Oh there was a rather large bumble bee bashing itself on my window just then. I’d let it in only I have issues with things that sting and have wings.
Neways I handed my notice in at Cleaning, I finish next Friday, the 29th, and have proper induction days at ASDA the 27th/28th. They kindly sent me an information pack today, which is useful cause I now know my hourly pay and stuff like that. Less useful is asking me to ring to confirm I will be attending the induction days and not including the stores number.
It didn’t feel so sad to hand in my notice at work, but one of the girls I’ve gotten really friendly with, Megan, looked heartbroken when I told her. Yeah she was glad for me, but she was sad, I’m not the only one who cleans the sixth form block that’s going, and I know what she feels like. When I finished for uni last year I wasn’t the first to go and the atmosphere changes. I plan to enjoy the next few days with Megan, Millie and Mel, because they rock so hard.
My friend Zena is back, and as she’s not only spending the summer building schools in Ghana but is going on a year long exchange in Detroit I quickly planned a girlie days yesterday with her. Jess also came, and because I am not about to actively exclude someone, I told Jess to invite Liz. Who came. So I spent most of the day wound up, nervous and on edge. Perhaps not ideal, but I met Zena for a brew before we met the others, so I got to explain things with Liz to her as well as I could without making excuses for my behaviour or making her chose sides. She was perhaps the most understanding and supportive of all my friends from my old social group, and was pretty annoyed at Liz for dumping me. We also got to giggle a lot with each other, as a pairing thing happened with Liz and Jess and me and Zena, so I was very happy and giggly with Zena. I’m really upset she’ll be away so much this summer, which can’t be helped and I seriously don’t begrudge it her. Just really gonna miss her, especially when I know how supportive she is. She goes away next Thursday so I’m hoping to see her this weekend and maybe again next week.
I’ve also seen Katie-Jane for lunch on Monday, (I think it was), which was fun. Lots of giggles but also a lot of deeper conversations, and the conclusion that Rawtenstall needs something more than 2 supermarkets.*looks proud that she knows how many customers and the weekly profit of the ASDA there.
On a sadder note Luke is home, has been since last Thursday/Friday. It isn’t looking good for our friendship. He hasn’t been in touch, whilst inviting Jess and Liz round Saturday night and last night before his brief trip to New York. Like I said, it isn’t looking good for our friendship. I mean I’m not writing it off just yet, but it isn’t looking good.
Oh there was a rather large bumble bee bashing itself on my window just then. I’d let it in only I have issues with things that sting and have wings.
Neways I handed my notice in at Cleaning, I finish next Friday, the 29th, and have proper induction days at ASDA the 27th/28th. They kindly sent me an information pack today, which is useful cause I now know my hourly pay and stuff like that. Less useful is asking me to ring to confirm I will be attending the induction days and not including the stores number.
It didn’t feel so sad to hand in my notice at work, but one of the girls I’ve gotten really friendly with, Megan, looked heartbroken when I told her. Yeah she was glad for me, but she was sad, I’m not the only one who cleans the sixth form block that’s going, and I know what she feels like. When I finished for uni last year I wasn’t the first to go and the atmosphere changes. I plan to enjoy the next few days with Megan, Millie and Mel, because they rock so hard.
My friend Zena is back, and as she’s not only spending the summer building schools in Ghana but is going on a year long exchange in Detroit I quickly planned a girlie days yesterday with her. Jess also came, and because I am not about to actively exclude someone, I told Jess to invite Liz. Who came. So I spent most of the day wound up, nervous and on edge. Perhaps not ideal, but I met Zena for a brew before we met the others, so I got to explain things with Liz to her as well as I could without making excuses for my behaviour or making her chose sides. She was perhaps the most understanding and supportive of all my friends from my old social group, and was pretty annoyed at Liz for dumping me. We also got to giggle a lot with each other, as a pairing thing happened with Liz and Jess and me and Zena, so I was very happy and giggly with Zena. I’m really upset she’ll be away so much this summer, which can’t be helped and I seriously don’t begrudge it her. Just really gonna miss her, especially when I know how supportive she is. She goes away next Thursday so I’m hoping to see her this weekend and maybe again next week.
I’ve also seen Katie-Jane for lunch on Monday, (I think it was), which was fun. Lots of giggles but also a lot of deeper conversations, and the conclusion that Rawtenstall needs something more than 2 supermarkets.*looks proud that she knows how many customers and the weekly profit of the ASDA there.
On a sadder note Luke is home, has been since last Thursday/Friday. It isn’t looking good for our friendship. He hasn’t been in touch, whilst inviting Jess and Liz round Saturday night and last night before his brief trip to New York. Like I said, it isn’t looking good for our friendship. I mean I’m not writing it off just yet, but it isn’t looking good.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Time Washes Clean, Loves Wounds Unseen....
......Sounds like good advice but I don't know what it means......
Long Long Time, Mindy Mcreedy
Time......
.......................doesn't always help. It doesnt always heal. Sometimes something more is needed to fix the broken and to heal their wounds.
Long Long Time, Mindy Mcreedy
Time......
.......................doesn't always help. It doesnt always heal. Sometimes something more is needed to fix the broken and to heal their wounds.
Friday, June 15, 2007
Happy To Help
Well as of today I am officially an employee of ASDA. I’ve got a job on checkouts, which will probably be ridiculously boring but it’s gotta be better than cleaning. I start in a couple of weeks. I got a really good vibe when I went to the interview, it was literally the most fun I’ve had all week* and I met a girl who’s not only going to Lancaster next year but has applied to the same accommodation as me. She was lovely. so fingers crossed.
In other news I have sent off my accommodation choices for uni, which was kinda sad seen as I’d always figured Katie would help me pick them and offer advice and stuff but well…..anyway it will either be Cartmel or County next year. Also sent off my student loan stuff, so that should in theory be all sorted now. I also sent off a nice little letter to the DVLA trying to get me a new driving license seen as I have no form of ID if by some miracle I ended up going out** and this evening I went to give blood for the third time. This time went better than last time, after which I nearly fainted and spent the evening very unwell. I did not intend to let it stop me, as long as they say I can donate its worth possibly feeling rubbish for a while because my blood type in the universal donor and very useful.
*yes my life is that tragic
**very very unlikely given I gave no social group anymore and the people I used to go out with I can’t which is horrible because I had a huge amount of fun with them all.
In other news I have sent off my accommodation choices for uni, which was kinda sad seen as I’d always figured Katie would help me pick them and offer advice and stuff but well…..anyway it will either be Cartmel or County next year. Also sent off my student loan stuff, so that should in theory be all sorted now. I also sent off a nice little letter to the DVLA trying to get me a new driving license seen as I have no form of ID if by some miracle I ended up going out** and this evening I went to give blood for the third time. This time went better than last time, after which I nearly fainted and spent the evening very unwell. I did not intend to let it stop me, as long as they say I can donate its worth possibly feeling rubbish for a while because my blood type in the universal donor and very useful.
*yes my life is that tragic
**very very unlikely given I gave no social group anymore and the people I used to go out with I can’t which is horrible because I had a huge amount of fun with them all.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Where Do I Belong?
Anastasia
Life doesn't promise a bed of roses
Or white knights
Fields of emotions
I'm trapped in darkness
Why me
Save me
To win this twisted war inside me Won't justify the pain
Life doesn't promise a bed of roses
Lightening strikes the pages keep on turning
Help me to be strong
I'm floating in a sea of strange believers
Where do I belong?
I ran into Jess and Liz at Tesco today, at the self service tills. I managed to catch Jesses eye and say hi, despite Liz freezing me out and practically blocking Jesses view of me. We said hi and then they walked off. Literally that was it.
And I realised that’s it, that’s how my entire summer is going to go. Either being completely excluded like I was today, or the two of us being somewhere with others and the tension and in competition to talk to people. Whether they like it or not, people have to choose sides, even if it’s flexible and temporary, they still will and have to. Social occasions will deem it necessary.
It also hit me that I don’t belong to any social group anymore. Liz no longer wants anything to do with me and Luke’s pretty much made it clear he’s on her side. Jess went shopping with Liz today but never even bothers to ask me for a brew or something. I saw Chrish in ASDA on Sunday, and the conversation was brief, I walked off to get my dip and thought she’d follow but she didn’t. Zena will be in Ghana for the summer. Jess Milly is working and hasn’t bothered to see me at all which wasn’t likely. To be blunt, I just don’t have a proper social group. I have friends like Katie-Jane and Nick but I have no actual place where I belong.
I have a job interview on Thursday with ASDA. I don’t know if I want it really, but the money would be useful. If I get it I can see me working all summer because I have sod all else to do and anything would be better than remembering how wonderful last summer was compared this. On the other hand I work at ASDA and I will see even less of Jess, because I barely see her now.
I just……
………..want to go back in time. So badly.
But at least I found my passport for the job interview. It’s been missing for about 7 months now.
Life doesn't promise a bed of roses
Or white knights
Fields of emotions
I'm trapped in darkness
Why me
Save me
To win this twisted war inside me Won't justify the pain
Life doesn't promise a bed of roses
Lightening strikes the pages keep on turning
Help me to be strong
I'm floating in a sea of strange believers
Where do I belong?
I ran into Jess and Liz at Tesco today, at the self service tills. I managed to catch Jesses eye and say hi, despite Liz freezing me out and practically blocking Jesses view of me. We said hi and then they walked off. Literally that was it.
And I realised that’s it, that’s how my entire summer is going to go. Either being completely excluded like I was today, or the two of us being somewhere with others and the tension and in competition to talk to people. Whether they like it or not, people have to choose sides, even if it’s flexible and temporary, they still will and have to. Social occasions will deem it necessary.
It also hit me that I don’t belong to any social group anymore. Liz no longer wants anything to do with me and Luke’s pretty much made it clear he’s on her side. Jess went shopping with Liz today but never even bothers to ask me for a brew or something. I saw Chrish in ASDA on Sunday, and the conversation was brief, I walked off to get my dip and thought she’d follow but she didn’t. Zena will be in Ghana for the summer. Jess Milly is working and hasn’t bothered to see me at all which wasn’t likely. To be blunt, I just don’t have a proper social group. I have friends like Katie-Jane and Nick but I have no actual place where I belong.
I have a job interview on Thursday with ASDA. I don’t know if I want it really, but the money would be useful. If I get it I can see me working all summer because I have sod all else to do and anything would be better than remembering how wonderful last summer was compared this. On the other hand I work at ASDA and I will see even less of Jess, because I barely see her now.
I just……
………..want to go back in time. So badly.
But at least I found my passport for the job interview. It’s been missing for about 7 months now.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Na na na na na nanana STUDBUG!
Errr, that was supposed to be to the tune of Batman!
Soo the weekend was better than most. I went shopping with the family Saturday morning, then to the local craft fair which is on. Bought a very pretty gold ring. It looks like a lot of little flowers and leaves all twisted together. I’m amazed someone made it in my size as I’ve got rather small fingers!
I went to Katie-Janes in the afternoon. We went for a picnic with Kim and her boyfriend Pete, which was hilarious. Katie suggested we went to the field with tall grass so we could roll a place. Sounded like a good idea, unfortunately the grass was taller than me! So rolling a spot was more like throw the blanket down and hurl yourself on it. We destroyed whole little buggy worlds!
Several more interesting discoveries were made whilst picnicking. One is that Hot Cross Buns are pretty yummy when dipped in sour cream and chive dip. That was Kim’s discovery. Mine was a pair of fornicating bugs on a plant near me. And my, those bugs were sure going for it. They were still at it nearly 45mins later when we left! Defiantly the StudBug of the Bug world.
Oh yeah and the grass attacked me alllll day and gave me some of the biggest sneezing fits ever!
Neways after the picnic and a very long walk we retired to Katie-Janes to bed down and watch American Beauty, (which is pretty weird), and Team America, (which is pretty crap). Unfortunately so much outsideness and walking made us tired so we fell asleep really quickly hehe. But it was a lovely time, and I was so glad to be with nice people.
And I would blogg more but the chance to play games is too big a lure.
Soo the weekend was better than most. I went shopping with the family Saturday morning, then to the local craft fair which is on. Bought a very pretty gold ring. It looks like a lot of little flowers and leaves all twisted together. I’m amazed someone made it in my size as I’ve got rather small fingers!
I went to Katie-Janes in the afternoon. We went for a picnic with Kim and her boyfriend Pete, which was hilarious. Katie suggested we went to the field with tall grass so we could roll a place. Sounded like a good idea, unfortunately the grass was taller than me! So rolling a spot was more like throw the blanket down and hurl yourself on it. We destroyed whole little buggy worlds!
Several more interesting discoveries were made whilst picnicking. One is that Hot Cross Buns are pretty yummy when dipped in sour cream and chive dip. That was Kim’s discovery. Mine was a pair of fornicating bugs on a plant near me. And my, those bugs were sure going for it. They were still at it nearly 45mins later when we left! Defiantly the StudBug of the Bug world.
Oh yeah and the grass attacked me alllll day and gave me some of the biggest sneezing fits ever!
Neways after the picnic and a very long walk we retired to Katie-Janes to bed down and watch American Beauty, (which is pretty weird), and Team America, (which is pretty crap). Unfortunately so much outsideness and walking made us tired so we fell asleep really quickly hehe. But it was a lovely time, and I was so glad to be with nice people.
And I would blogg more but the chance to play games is too big a lure.
Friday, June 08, 2007
You’re Charlie but without the H!
I should blogg. I haven’t for aaaaaages because I suck.
So, right, well what’ve I been up to in a nutshell? Well last Friday I went for lunch and shopping with Katie-Jane, Kim, and Katie-Jane’s brother and sister. It was very amusing, especially as Kim and I came up with a very interesting theory and totally rearrange the theory of evolution. It went something like this;
Jam was around when the dinosaurs were. What else would the Triceratops put on their leaves other than jam. Jam and toast, leaves and toast, not a big jump.
Ketchup was also around with the dinosaurs because T.Rex’s kinda need something to go with that slab of Triceratops.
Predating those was Tar-tar sauce, which or course appeared at the same time as that fishy primordial soup we crawled out of.
The weekend was less good, mainly because we went to see my Nana on Saturday who decided to spend a good chunk of the day telling me I’m fat or words to that effect. Thank a bunch. And yes she DOES know she’s accusing me of being fat. As if I didn’t have enough issues with my weight and food and stuff.
Earlier this week I went for dinner with Katie-Jane, which was good because it gave us a chance to talk. I like that, someone who understands so completely. *hugs to Katie-Jane.
I was supposed to be going out tonight with Adam but thankfully he had to cancel. I didn’t particularly feel like being groped at or whatever.
So, right, well what’ve I been up to in a nutshell? Well last Friday I went for lunch and shopping with Katie-Jane, Kim, and Katie-Jane’s brother and sister. It was very amusing, especially as Kim and I came up with a very interesting theory and totally rearrange the theory of evolution. It went something like this;
Jam was around when the dinosaurs were. What else would the Triceratops put on their leaves other than jam. Jam and toast, leaves and toast, not a big jump.
Ketchup was also around with the dinosaurs because T.Rex’s kinda need something to go with that slab of Triceratops.
Predating those was Tar-tar sauce, which or course appeared at the same time as that fishy primordial soup we crawled out of.
The weekend was less good, mainly because we went to see my Nana on Saturday who decided to spend a good chunk of the day telling me I’m fat or words to that effect. Thank a bunch. And yes she DOES know she’s accusing me of being fat. As if I didn’t have enough issues with my weight and food and stuff.
Earlier this week I went for dinner with Katie-Jane, which was good because it gave us a chance to talk. I like that, someone who understands so completely. *hugs to Katie-Jane.
I was supposed to be going out tonight with Adam but thankfully he had to cancel. I didn’t particularly feel like being groped at or whatever.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Alistair is the Bestest too!
I was already planning on making that my title but it’s defiantly it after Ali made me this;
Isn’t it cool? Mann I love happy hippos! Happy Hippies don't look so edible though...
Not much has been done today other than me falling in love with the most gorgeous necklace in our local clock and watch shop. It’s seriously nice and methinks I shall use some of my hard earned wage on it tomorrow.
I haven’t done any revision today, which I should have but meh, like it matters. I just haven’t been in the mood. I’m still bruising from being dumped again. My Dad got my cameras memory card developed today. I haven’t looked at the photos, I don’t really want to look at memories of when I was so ridiculously happy. I figured in the future I might but right now I can stick a knife in some other way.
Neways I’m looking forward to seeing Katie-Jane tomorrow for lunch, have been all week. Not only is it contact with a very friendly face but it’s someone who has rapidly become on of my closest confidents. I’m so very grateful for her presence in my life.
Isn’t it cool? Mann I love happy hippos! Happy Hippies don't look so edible though...
Not much has been done today other than me falling in love with the most gorgeous necklace in our local clock and watch shop. It’s seriously nice and methinks I shall use some of my hard earned wage on it tomorrow.
I haven’t done any revision today, which I should have but meh, like it matters. I just haven’t been in the mood. I’m still bruising from being dumped again. My Dad got my cameras memory card developed today. I haven’t looked at the photos, I don’t really want to look at memories of when I was so ridiculously happy. I figured in the future I might but right now I can stick a knife in some other way.
Neways I’m looking forward to seeing Katie-Jane tomorrow for lunch, have been all week. Not only is it contact with a very friendly face but it’s someone who has rapidly become on of my closest confidents. I’m so very grateful for her presence in my life.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Katie-Jane is the Bestest!
Today has been rather busy. Mum, Katie and I all tootled off to Tesco this morning and had a brunch type thing followed by shopping during which more happy hippos were purchased. Yummy!
After finally managing to have all portions of fruit and veg necessary before dinner I was feeling quite proud of myself. That’s right I had FIVE Froots and Veegg. I’ve been trying to eat healthier in preparation for uni etcetera etcetera so I decided to help mum wash the kitchen walls down. They need doing given that’s the only room of the house my dad is allowed to smoke in. Mum wants to paint it, which is perfectly possible between the 2 of us once exams have finished.
Once I’d recovered from the exhausting wall washing I tackled some more revision notes, and I’m pleased to say I’ve done all the ones I need for Module 2 and made a small start into Module 3 this evening.
Oh yes, one last thing. To the person who left the following anonymous comment on my blogg last night, (honestly have the decency to put your name if you’re commenting or please keep your opinion to yourself, anyway that wasn’t what I was going to say), well here’s the comment in case it mysteriously vanishes;
There's a big difference between 'dumping' a friendship and ending one for the right reasons.
Hmmm, personally the only reason for ending a friendship in my view would be when they say, oh I don’t know, kill you’re mum or gossip maliciously behind your back or deliberately do something to hurt you repeatedly. Maybe I find this so hard to understand because I would never dump a friend. And yes to Miss/Mr Anonymous, I have been dumped, because I have done NOTHING to deserve this, especially when everyday is a fight which I lose everyday. Frankly it’s no better than things with Liz. I spent roughly 2 hours crying last night. No guilt trip intended, just thought I’d be honest.
Thank you for the lovely compliments, and *hugs to Katie-Jane, I love you too honey!
After finally managing to have all portions of fruit and veg necessary before dinner I was feeling quite proud of myself. That’s right I had FIVE Froots and Veegg. I’ve been trying to eat healthier in preparation for uni etcetera etcetera so I decided to help mum wash the kitchen walls down. They need doing given that’s the only room of the house my dad is allowed to smoke in. Mum wants to paint it, which is perfectly possible between the 2 of us once exams have finished.
Once I’d recovered from the exhausting wall washing I tackled some more revision notes, and I’m pleased to say I’ve done all the ones I need for Module 2 and made a small start into Module 3 this evening.
Oh yes, one last thing. To the person who left the following anonymous comment on my blogg last night, (honestly have the decency to put your name if you’re commenting or please keep your opinion to yourself, anyway that wasn’t what I was going to say), well here’s the comment in case it mysteriously vanishes;
There's a big difference between 'dumping' a friendship and ending one for the right reasons.
Hmmm, personally the only reason for ending a friendship in my view would be when they say, oh I don’t know, kill you’re mum or gossip maliciously behind your back or deliberately do something to hurt you repeatedly. Maybe I find this so hard to understand because I would never dump a friend. And yes to Miss/Mr Anonymous, I have been dumped, because I have done NOTHING to deserve this, especially when everyday is a fight which I lose everyday. Frankly it’s no better than things with Liz. I spent roughly 2 hours crying last night. No guilt trip intended, just thought I’d be honest.
Thank you for the lovely compliments, and *hugs to Katie-Jane, I love you too honey!
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
I'm late, I'm late! For a very important date! No time to say hello goodbye I'm late I'm late I'm late!
Soooo what’s happened since Saturday?
Well I met Jess for a brew on Sunday which was brilliant. I’ve missed her and enjoyed it so much. We had a lovely chat and giggle, as well as a mooch and joint exchange of the wonders of avon.
I went to see my grandparents yesterday, which was also nice. They like me to look all girly, and as I didn’t need to do anyway walking I decided to wear one of my new dresses from Primark. I put it all on and everything then realised, hang on….I look like Alice In Wonderland! See what you think guys.
I guess the only other thing to say is I got dumped by yet another friend tonight. And no, I’m not ok. Why do people keep dumping me?
Well I met Jess for a brew on Sunday which was brilliant. I’ve missed her and enjoyed it so much. We had a lovely chat and giggle, as well as a mooch and joint exchange of the wonders of avon.
I went to see my grandparents yesterday, which was also nice. They like me to look all girly, and as I didn’t need to do anyway walking I decided to wear one of my new dresses from Primark. I put it all on and everything then realised, hang on….I look like Alice In Wonderland! See what you think guys.
I guess the only other thing to say is I got dumped by yet another friend tonight. And no, I’m not ok. Why do people keep dumping me?
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Oh crap I hope not!
That was Mr Blands reaction to learning our lesson on Wednesday was our last with him before the exams. I informed him of that fact, and he explained in horror “Oh CRAP I hope not” before running off to get his planner and check.
It didn’t get any more reassuring when he came back five minuets later and walked from the door to the desk saying “Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit”
Thankfully I know he has more faith in us than that makes it seem. But it didn’t do our confidence much good! Hehe it was amusing though, I’ve never heard Mr Bland swear.
Update on the whole police thingy. The dude appeared in court on Wednesday and pleaded guilty to theft, (he’d have to be seriously lacking a brain not to!), and has to pay the court costs, compensation to me, (not holding my breath), and have a curfew. Which pretty much means it’s all over. I’ve filled the claim form out and sent it back and that’s about it.
Hopefully I’ll be seeing Jess tomorrow. She got back Thursday and was in work Friday but I didn’t really get to speak to her beyond a hello. I’m looking forward to seeing her.
It didn’t get any more reassuring when he came back five minuets later and walked from the door to the desk saying “Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit”
Thankfully I know he has more faith in us than that makes it seem. But it didn’t do our confidence much good! Hehe it was amusing though, I’ve never heard Mr Bland swear.
Update on the whole police thingy. The dude appeared in court on Wednesday and pleaded guilty to theft, (he’d have to be seriously lacking a brain not to!), and has to pay the court costs, compensation to me, (not holding my breath), and have a curfew. Which pretty much means it’s all over. I’ve filled the claim form out and sent it back and that’s about it.
Hopefully I’ll be seeing Jess tomorrow. She got back Thursday and was in work Friday but I didn’t really get to speak to her beyond a hello. I’m looking forward to seeing her.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Oo Eee Oo Ah Aha Ting Tang Walla Walla Bing Bang
Witchdoctor, The Cartoons
I suppose I should blogg.
Well the JaneMeet was brilliant, lots of sugar was consumed by me which produced an incredibly hyper mood. It was so lovely to see everyone again, and of course meet Jane, Simon, Helena and her offspring, (Jess is so cute, she kissed me goodbye!!!!, and omigod Emma’s hair is like a force of nature!). Jane was lovely enough to bring us presents from Merkinland, I now have some yummy Double Stuff Oreos to munch on, thank you so much! Ned and Jan surprised me as well by giving me a box of Disney Princess cereal. Ned and I had discussed this weeks ago, and I’d forgotten all about it, so oh wow it was such a surprise! Thank you as well guys!
I also did my first ever geocache with Katie-Jane, Nick and Ali. Although it would help if Nick wasn’t such an idiot and put the coordinates in right but it was funny running around in the wrong places especially as those places lead Nick into the middle of a thorny bush! Heheheheh
I had even more fun on the way down with Katie-Jane, we managed to get very very giggly over lord knows what but I do remember and incident with Chamomile tea or should I say CHAM-omile tea.
In other news my ipod and a few of my cards have been recovered and the thief has appeared in court. I’m very pleased my ipod’s back and in what appears to be fully working order. See, that’s why I try and believe the best in people. Thanks to the hard work of the police justice has pretty much been done.
I suppose I should blogg.
Well the JaneMeet was brilliant, lots of sugar was consumed by me which produced an incredibly hyper mood. It was so lovely to see everyone again, and of course meet Jane, Simon, Helena and her offspring, (Jess is so cute, she kissed me goodbye!!!!, and omigod Emma’s hair is like a force of nature!). Jane was lovely enough to bring us presents from Merkinland, I now have some yummy Double Stuff Oreos to munch on, thank you so much! Ned and Jan surprised me as well by giving me a box of Disney Princess cereal. Ned and I had discussed this weeks ago, and I’d forgotten all about it, so oh wow it was such a surprise! Thank you as well guys!
I also did my first ever geocache with Katie-Jane, Nick and Ali. Although it would help if Nick wasn’t such an idiot and put the coordinates in right but it was funny running around in the wrong places especially as those places lead Nick into the middle of a thorny bush! Heheheheh
I had even more fun on the way down with Katie-Jane, we managed to get very very giggly over lord knows what but I do remember and incident with Chamomile tea or should I say CHAM-omile tea.
In other news my ipod and a few of my cards have been recovered and the thief has appeared in court. I’m very pleased my ipod’s back and in what appears to be fully working order. See, that’s why I try and believe the best in people. Thanks to the hard work of the police justice has pretty much been done.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
*insert Farthing Wood theme tune here
So rather than tell you about my second Chemicals mock I thought I’d tell you about the random thought pattern that I had this morning involving a magpie. I saw one on the way home today, and came to the conclusion on observing it that they were very pretty little birds, and eventually remember to ask how it and its mate were.
That got me to thinking, magpies were, if my memory serves, never in Farthing Wood, (although admittedly I remember the cartoon much better than the books). There were rooks; they featured in the episode where the Pheasants are killed. Mrs Pheasant meets her end when she’s returning from covering look out. Her husband was supposed to be doing it but she didn’t want to wake the lazy bird. So she got shot by the farmer who’s barn the others were hiding in. This did mean the other animals had time to do a runner though.
Pheasant himself also got shot when he went back to the farm to find Adder, who got left behind. He’s so distraught when he sees his plucked and cooked wife he doesn’t see the farmer. Which was the end of the pheasants.
Then I started thinking about the poor hedgehogs who were killed a few episodes before that. Mr Hedgehog freezes up whilst crossing a road and Mrs Hedgehog is far too nice and loyal so stays with him. *cries. And they get run over.
I realised I’m probably a lot like Mrs Hedgehog and Mrs Pheasant. Loyal to the point of stupidity and a total doormat. Ah well, the world needs doormats I suppose.
I miss Farthing Wood, I have every single issue of the magazine somewhere. It was so good! Hehe
That got me to thinking, magpies were, if my memory serves, never in Farthing Wood, (although admittedly I remember the cartoon much better than the books). There were rooks; they featured in the episode where the Pheasants are killed. Mrs Pheasant meets her end when she’s returning from covering look out. Her husband was supposed to be doing it but she didn’t want to wake the lazy bird. So she got shot by the farmer who’s barn the others were hiding in. This did mean the other animals had time to do a runner though.
Pheasant himself also got shot when he went back to the farm to find Adder, who got left behind. He’s so distraught when he sees his plucked and cooked wife he doesn’t see the farmer. Which was the end of the pheasants.
Then I started thinking about the poor hedgehogs who were killed a few episodes before that. Mr Hedgehog freezes up whilst crossing a road and Mrs Hedgehog is far too nice and loyal so stays with him. *cries. And they get run over.
I realised I’m probably a lot like Mrs Hedgehog and Mrs Pheasant. Loyal to the point of stupidity and a total doormat. Ah well, the world needs doormats I suppose.
I miss Farthing Wood, I have every single issue of the magazine somewhere. It was so good! Hehe
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
You're Killing Me, Killing Me, All I Wanted Was You
30 Seconds From Mars, The Kill
Tonights blogg was titled for you by Katie-Jane because I’m lazy. Ta honey!
I suppose I should blogg. The last few days I’ve been going by the “if you can’t blogg anything nice don’t blogg at all” which seems to work well for everyone else.
I’ve been out for dinner with Katie-Jane which was a nice distraction from everything else. We had a good mooch and chat about the randomness of life and the universe. It was fun, and I am very much grateful for a friendly face in the valley.
Jess goes away for a week tomorrow, and I’m going to miss her so much. I savour the brief time we get together during work. Oh dear, Liz’s icy stares scare me……
I got a U on the mock for the easy module of Chemicals. Tomorrow is the hard mock. I haven’t really revised, mainly because there’s an element of futility to it but also because I’ve been attempting to do some more art. Apparently that’s due in tomorrow. S***. I have hammered some topics last night with question booklets so I guess I know a bit. Not enough to pass.
The police came and took a proper official statement today, and also went to get one from Jess. I’m aware I haven’t explained all the details to everyone yet, I’ll try and get round to it tomorrow. The police seem to have a fairly good idea of who it is, mainly because he has a tattoo on the side of his head.
Tonights blogg was titled for you by Katie-Jane because I’m lazy. Ta honey!
I suppose I should blogg. The last few days I’ve been going by the “if you can’t blogg anything nice don’t blogg at all” which seems to work well for everyone else.
I’ve been out for dinner with Katie-Jane which was a nice distraction from everything else. We had a good mooch and chat about the randomness of life and the universe. It was fun, and I am very much grateful for a friendly face in the valley.
Jess goes away for a week tomorrow, and I’m going to miss her so much. I savour the brief time we get together during work. Oh dear, Liz’s icy stares scare me……
I got a U on the mock for the easy module of Chemicals. Tomorrow is the hard mock. I haven’t really revised, mainly because there’s an element of futility to it but also because I’ve been attempting to do some more art. Apparently that’s due in tomorrow. S***. I have hammered some topics last night with question booklets so I guess I know a bit. Not enough to pass.
The police came and took a proper official statement today, and also went to get one from Jess. I’m aware I haven’t explained all the details to everyone yet, I’ll try and get round to it tomorrow. The police seem to have a fairly good idea of who it is, mainly because he has a tattoo on the side of his head.
Friday, May 11, 2007
Advanced warning of Bad Mood.
My bag got stolen at work today. I've lost my purse and my ipod. The irony, I cancelled my card within about 20mins of it vanishing, and there was no cash in it. My ipod was worth the most.
Currently in shock.
And wondering why I'm such a gullible idiot.
*will explain later
My bag got stolen at work today. I've lost my purse and my ipod. The irony, I cancelled my card within about 20mins of it vanishing, and there was no cash in it. My ipod was worth the most.
Currently in shock.
And wondering why I'm such a gullible idiot.
*will explain later
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Gary Barlow IS fat but he wouldn’t bounce.
And thank you Katie for that hilarious gem.
Just thought I’d cobble together a blogg so people know it’s still in existence. The reason for the move was simple, Liz read my blogg and decided it was a much of lies. Err yes, because she hasn’t started ignoring me we both know I didn’t make that up. She seemed to take issue as well with the comments left by everyone, although no one was nasty about her, and everyone was lovely and supportive. Anyway now she can’t read it because it’s been moved. She had the nerve to post a bulletin on myspace and facebook ordering everyone to read it, but as that web address no longer exists those links don’t work. *smiles evilly
It was perhaps wise, especially given she had a screaming go at me yesterday after work, demanding to know how dare I say she wasn’t entitled to see Luke and that who was I to dictate his whole weekend should be around me and how dare I guilt trip her by saying I was depressed. I don’t ever recall saying she wasn’t entitled to see Luke nor did I expect him to plan his weekend around me. What I did expect was some time with him, given he’s supposed to be one of my best friends. It’s the same as I expect to see my other friends when they come home, unless I know they have a hugely busy time planned.
Anyway I spent a horrible 5 minuets trying to escape her anger, there was no point in talking to her because all she wanted to do was scream at me and tell me how pathetic I am. I’ve been told by someone else that she doesn’t believe my GP’s diagnosis of depression.
Maybe she’s one of those people who don’t view mental illnesses like depression as real illnesses because you can’t see them. I don’t really know, all I can do is avoid her as best I can which is sad but necessary.
In other lighter news, I blew up a bottle in Chem today, intentionally. Mr Bland scaled up a Royal Society of Chemists experiment that involves filling a bottle with oxygen and methane and using a lit taper sending it blasting off into the air. He tried a litre bottle instead of a 500ml one and wow was it good. So funny as well.
Saw Katie this evening, we went for a little drive which helped cheer me up. After The Screaming yesterday seeing a friendly face made all the difference. As did seeing Jess briefly during work and getting to have her to myself for a few minutes for a girly giggle over something.
Tomorrow I see the doctor and Meat Loaf so there may be no blogg. OOOO Meat!!!
Just thought I’d cobble together a blogg so people know it’s still in existence. The reason for the move was simple, Liz read my blogg and decided it was a much of lies. Err yes, because she hasn’t started ignoring me we both know I didn’t make that up. She seemed to take issue as well with the comments left by everyone, although no one was nasty about her, and everyone was lovely and supportive. Anyway now she can’t read it because it’s been moved. She had the nerve to post a bulletin on myspace and facebook ordering everyone to read it, but as that web address no longer exists those links don’t work. *smiles evilly
It was perhaps wise, especially given she had a screaming go at me yesterday after work, demanding to know how dare I say she wasn’t entitled to see Luke and that who was I to dictate his whole weekend should be around me and how dare I guilt trip her by saying I was depressed. I don’t ever recall saying she wasn’t entitled to see Luke nor did I expect him to plan his weekend around me. What I did expect was some time with him, given he’s supposed to be one of my best friends. It’s the same as I expect to see my other friends when they come home, unless I know they have a hugely busy time planned.
Anyway I spent a horrible 5 minuets trying to escape her anger, there was no point in talking to her because all she wanted to do was scream at me and tell me how pathetic I am. I’ve been told by someone else that she doesn’t believe my GP’s diagnosis of depression.
Maybe she’s one of those people who don’t view mental illnesses like depression as real illnesses because you can’t see them. I don’t really know, all I can do is avoid her as best I can which is sad but necessary.
In other lighter news, I blew up a bottle in Chem today, intentionally. Mr Bland scaled up a Royal Society of Chemists experiment that involves filling a bottle with oxygen and methane and using a lit taper sending it blasting off into the air. He tried a litre bottle instead of a 500ml one and wow was it good. So funny as well.
Saw Katie this evening, we went for a little drive which helped cheer me up. After The Screaming yesterday seeing a friendly face made all the difference. As did seeing Jess briefly during work and getting to have her to myself for a few minutes for a girly giggle over something.
Tomorrow I see the doctor and Meat Loaf so there may be no blogg. OOOO Meat!!!
Monday, May 07, 2007
This Is When I Start To Bite My Nails, Clean My Room When All Else fails
He Wasn’t, Avril Lavigne
So Luke never got in touch. I didn’t text him because I didn’t fancy spending the whole day watching the phone. I did anyway, in the vain hope he’d get in touch. A sixth sense told me he wasn’t going to anyway. Yah I could have called him, but I didn’t fancy being rejected over the phone or being a pain in the ass and pestering.
I wanted to have a Big Adventure today, but my parents don’t really do Bank Holidays. I can understand why, but I just wanted to do something. I had high hopes for this weekend but it’s been such a flop.
In the end we went to Tesco, which wasn’t quite what I had in mind but I guess it was something. I found a lovely black pinafore dress with a bright pink t-shirt underneath. It was in the kids section but the 13-14 year olds fit me perfectly and doesn’t look half bad. Kinda made me feel a little better for a little while, but I shouldn’t be spending really.
Spent the afternoon working on my prep for art, and I’ve managed to cobble something that looks remotely like a project. It helped to take my mind of things. Just not very well.
Katie-Jane managed to capture a lot of what I feel or want to say in her most recent blogg entry. Her link is on my sidebar, with the blogg links. It’s comforting to know someone knows exactly how you’re feeling.
So Luke never got in touch. I didn’t text him because I didn’t fancy spending the whole day watching the phone. I did anyway, in the vain hope he’d get in touch. A sixth sense told me he wasn’t going to anyway. Yah I could have called him, but I didn’t fancy being rejected over the phone or being a pain in the ass and pestering.
I wanted to have a Big Adventure today, but my parents don’t really do Bank Holidays. I can understand why, but I just wanted to do something. I had high hopes for this weekend but it’s been such a flop.
In the end we went to Tesco, which wasn’t quite what I had in mind but I guess it was something. I found a lovely black pinafore dress with a bright pink t-shirt underneath. It was in the kids section but the 13-14 year olds fit me perfectly and doesn’t look half bad. Kinda made me feel a little better for a little while, but I shouldn’t be spending really.
Spent the afternoon working on my prep for art, and I’ve managed to cobble something that looks remotely like a project. It helped to take my mind of things. Just not very well.
Katie-Jane managed to capture a lot of what I feel or want to say in her most recent blogg entry. Her link is on my sidebar, with the blogg links. It’s comforting to know someone knows exactly how you’re feeling.
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Sit On The Bed Alone, Staring At The Phone
He Wasn’t, Avril Lavigne
I seem to recall saying something last week about the possibility of being at a party this weekend. Luke’s come home, plus 2 uni friends, for his dads birthday party tonight. His mum made a loose invite to Liz and me last time we were round, and as they operate under a “more the merrier” thing my presence wouldn’t really be a problem.
The prospect of seeing Luke, whether I went to his party or not, has kept me going the last couple of weeks. I’ve been looking forward to it lots.
Unfortunately the only contact I’ve had has been him replying to my text yesterday saying he was busy all day. And he didn’t even reply today. I pretty much know I’m not going to see him. Sure I could ring him and stomp my feet and be demanding but I don’t see why I should have to. Surely he should want to see me, and be able to make a couple of hours for me. He’ll have made time for Liz, that’s a dead cert.
Oh well, maybe I’ll just stay in bed tomorrow.
I seem to recall saying something last week about the possibility of being at a party this weekend. Luke’s come home, plus 2 uni friends, for his dads birthday party tonight. His mum made a loose invite to Liz and me last time we were round, and as they operate under a “more the merrier” thing my presence wouldn’t really be a problem.
The prospect of seeing Luke, whether I went to his party or not, has kept me going the last couple of weeks. I’ve been looking forward to it lots.
Unfortunately the only contact I’ve had has been him replying to my text yesterday saying he was busy all day. And he didn’t even reply today. I pretty much know I’m not going to see him. Sure I could ring him and stomp my feet and be demanding but I don’t see why I should have to. Surely he should want to see me, and be able to make a couple of hours for me. He’ll have made time for Liz, that’s a dead cert.
Oh well, maybe I’ll just stay in bed tomorrow.
Friday, May 04, 2007
Is That Too Much That I'm Askin' For?
Too Much To Ask, Avril Lavigne
So I got some Chemicals coursework done today, I stayed behind for an hour after class to finish that very stressful coursework. Dr Spinx was lovely and practically held my hand, and I realised the calculations that we needed were mostly from module one, which explains why they got me all confuddled. It’s all done now though, hopefully that means I’ll get a decent grade on one of the three modules.
I also found out why Liz hasn’t been speaking to me for the last week. There seem to be 2 reasons really, the first being that I grassed up one of the cleaners last week when he came in a told the bosses a total lie. There seems to have been some corruption of what I actually said to Marj and Linda, and they seem to have actually told Liz what I’d said to them, (frankly that in itself strikes me as totally unprofessional on M&L’s part). Second seems to be my apparent “pathetic poor me” act. Now I’ve made a real effort to be ok around Jess and Liz, although last Thursday I was a little down and quiet but I was anxious about the doctors, and they did know I was going although not what for.
I haven’t told Liz or Jess that I’ve been diagnosed with depression or that I’m on pills for it. Liz vanished offline shortly after the poor me stuff was mentioned so I decided that maybe it would explain thing more to her if I shared some of that. I text her, (yes I know not the best method of conversation but the least confrontational), and told her that it wasn’t an act, that I am actually depressed but getting help for it and she could either support me or not.
She didn’t speak to me when I walked into work 45 minuets later, so I guess you can see which action she’s taking there.
I want to be her friend, even if it feels like the one time I need something from our friendship she won’t give it. I’ve been there for her, so it seems only fair. But it also feels increasingly like I’m not allowed to be unhappy, you know, I’ve always got to be ok so I can be there to help her or others when they need it. I never used to mind that, I like looking after people and caring about them, but right now whilst I can still do that I need some looking after myself. Am I really asking an awful lot here?
And you wonder why I shared something with you that no one else knows Nick. You seemed so surprised, but with friends like Liz floating around here do you blame me for keeping my feelings close to my chest now?
On a much light happificated note, lookey here little trundles! They’re almost as cute as bunnies. Except you can see their erm thingies.
http://fishki.net/comment.php?id=20744
So I got some Chemicals coursework done today, I stayed behind for an hour after class to finish that very stressful coursework. Dr Spinx was lovely and practically held my hand, and I realised the calculations that we needed were mostly from module one, which explains why they got me all confuddled. It’s all done now though, hopefully that means I’ll get a decent grade on one of the three modules.
I also found out why Liz hasn’t been speaking to me for the last week. There seem to be 2 reasons really, the first being that I grassed up one of the cleaners last week when he came in a told the bosses a total lie. There seems to have been some corruption of what I actually said to Marj and Linda, and they seem to have actually told Liz what I’d said to them, (frankly that in itself strikes me as totally unprofessional on M&L’s part). Second seems to be my apparent “pathetic poor me” act. Now I’ve made a real effort to be ok around Jess and Liz, although last Thursday I was a little down and quiet but I was anxious about the doctors, and they did know I was going although not what for.
I haven’t told Liz or Jess that I’ve been diagnosed with depression or that I’m on pills for it. Liz vanished offline shortly after the poor me stuff was mentioned so I decided that maybe it would explain thing more to her if I shared some of that. I text her, (yes I know not the best method of conversation but the least confrontational), and told her that it wasn’t an act, that I am actually depressed but getting help for it and she could either support me or not.
She didn’t speak to me when I walked into work 45 minuets later, so I guess you can see which action she’s taking there.
I want to be her friend, even if it feels like the one time I need something from our friendship she won’t give it. I’ve been there for her, so it seems only fair. But it also feels increasingly like I’m not allowed to be unhappy, you know, I’ve always got to be ok so I can be there to help her or others when they need it. I never used to mind that, I like looking after people and caring about them, but right now whilst I can still do that I need some looking after myself. Am I really asking an awful lot here?
And you wonder why I shared something with you that no one else knows Nick. You seemed so surprised, but with friends like Liz floating around here do you blame me for keeping my feelings close to my chest now?
On a much light happificated note, lookey here little trundles! They’re almost as cute as bunnies. Except you can see their erm thingies.
http://fishki.net/comment.php?id=20744
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